Huh.

Each session starts with a 5 minute brisk walk followed by the first round of running/jogging. This morning I took the dog for a walk. Shortly after we started walking, I wanted to start running. It took me a moment to realize why-- it had been about 5 minutes and my body was now conditioned to run. My body wanted to step it up and move faster. Extraordinary!  Who would have thought it?
Today is an off day and Shiloh's knees just won't let her run much, so I skipped it. But, I wanted to and I'm really stuck on that realization. 


Also, while at the park I thought about what a great place it would be to run. What's happening to me? Am I really going to turn into a person who likes to run? Could happen. I'm not convinced, but something is shifting. We'll see how I feel after tomorrow-- Week 4, day 1 when my jog time is upped. 

Biggest pain in the ass yet

Friday was supposed to be day 3 of week 3, but pain postponed day 3 to today. I'm not sure if taking an extra day in between sessions was the cause or what, but this morning's session was a royal pain in the ass, body rather. I felt like an old car with no shocks. Each step was jarring-- my back, my thighs, my calves. AND my toes hurt from breaking in new tennis shoes. Why I chose to wear them when I knew I'd be playing a person who would make me run all over, is beyond me. AND (yes, there's another whiny statement coming) AND, I got a stitch in my side. Today is the first day I've gotten a stitch since the first week. Remember that previous post when I said my next goal was to stop scowling when I ran? Yeah, didn't happen today. Didn't realize how badly till I got home and saw the look on my face in this pic. Click on it to get the full glory of the scowl. I look a bit like an angry yet wary squirrel. Kinda felt that way too.

But! I did it. I finished day 3 of week 3. Scowl on my face, hissing profanities, chanting weird songs in a loop in my head to keep a rhythm, I finished.


Going backward, here's a photo from the start of the session. I like it because you can't see the scowl, but you can see the pretty park.

This evening was day 2 of week 3. When I went out I was feeling a little angry. The anger had nothing to do with running. A topic had been brought up that forced me to remember a few things I'd rather not think of. I was simply frustrated with life. 


As some people know, my life has been upside down and topsy turvy for the past 1 1/2 - 2 years. What set the chaos into motion wasn't my fault, but I'm certainly to blame for the current stasis. Anyway, for me that's what this 5K thing is partially about (mostly about?) -- trying to move forward and become unstuck.


So I was angry, but I ran and step by step the anger ebbed. No problems were solved, no epiphany was experienced, but as I moved forward the directionless, pointless frustration slowly drained out of me. I don't want to sound too ridiculous or overly dramatic, but in the rhythm of my footfalls and sound of my breathing I found release.


Trying to move forward figuratively and literally, while necessary, can still be a little scary, but it can be liberating too. Running this evening, even in my short 3 minute bursts, liberated me. Next? Literal liberation. I'm curious to see how long that will take and in what form it will manifest.

Fight Like A Girl

Fight Like A Girl is the name of a self defense class I took last Saturday. It was incredibly informative, hands on (so much so I was sore for a couple of days post class) and really was a lot fun. If you're a woman and you've never taken any kind of self defense class, I highly recommend you do so. When I say self defense I don't mean a class that teaches fancy moves and complicated routines, but one which teaches you moves that will quickly (hopefully) enable you to get away from an attacker, which is what this course did for me.
We learned basic kicks and strikes. I loved the kicks! I'm a good kicker. Shocking. (read that last word with sarcasm) Here I am practicing kicks. Wait, not kicking, kneeing:

We learned how to increase our weight (you can add 4-7 lbs by base dropping or going limp in an attackers arms). And no, you do not stay limp. That's just a starting place. We were shown many ways to loosen the grip of an attacker: head butts, ear smashes, gouges to the rib cages and inner hips, to name a few. We practiced each attack scenario over and over, which may sound tedious, but the repetition helped create memory and shift the moves closer to instinctual. And speaking of instinctual...


I had a moment during a practice attack when I went all instinct. I do not like feeling someone has control over me. I do not respond well, even in play, to someone holding me and saying those challenging words, "I've got you and you can't get away." Even goofing around those words send me into a little place I call Wacky Land. It's my Ego and control driven self that goes mad at the idea of someone having the better of me. So, when I was attacked by one of the instructors and the "taught" response I first tried didn't work, I just threw my shin into his ball region. As my leg was brushing into him, he was letting go and moving back. To his credit he said something like, "Not regulation, but it worked" and gave me a high-five. That's how the scenario you see below ended. You can sort of see me and my "attacker" in the mirror. I believe this was taken just before I went for his groin.

Gentleman, no worries. I'm not normally that sort of ball buster. If you grab me against my will though, it's game on and I'll do whatever it takes.

1/24/11 Follow up

BOOYA! Week 3, day 1 complete! I didn't think I could run for 3 minutes straight, but I did and multiple times. And I felt good afterward. And my breathing felt better today than it has since we started the program. In fact, I felt so good afterward, I came home and walked the dog. 3 minutes is a long way from 20 minutes, but I didn't think I could do 3 and I did. I will do 20 minutes. Wait for it...here it comes....gonna sound like a campaign rally: Oh yes I can! Ha! But really, I can.
*takes bow* 

The Couch to 5K program is designed to have it's participants "train" 3 times a week. I'm doing so on Mon., Wed. & Friday evenings. Each week you alternate the times you spend running and walking. On week two we jogged for 90 seconds and walked for 2 minutes. It sounds easy and for those with decent cardio, it probably is. However, for those of us who never do anything for more than 6-7 minutes at a time (I blame attention deficit disorder. Pretty certain my life would have been totally different if someone had force fed me Adderall as a teenager) and as a result do have less than optimal cardio, its a bit of a challenge. By the last two rounds of 90 second jogs I felt like I was an 80 year old asthmatic. Ok, maybe not quite that bad, but there was a moment when I thought my legs were going to collapse and at least one lung might explode. Being the quitter that I am I tried to convince myself the sensation in my legs was due to some sort of nerve damage and I really probably ought to stop or I might injure myself. The good news is I had this delusional conversation while staying in motion. I did not stop. Go me. 

It's Monday which means the first of this weeks 3 day sessions will start this evening. It's also the first day of week 3 and, unlike last Friday, I'm not really looking forward to it just yet. As the day progresses, maybe that will change. Maybe it will but, I did a self defense class this weekend (will talk about it in another post) which left my body so sore and I'm wildly hormonal. Tonight's session could be exciting.  A little pain, toss in a few wild hormones and its a recipe for a bitchfest. Regardless,  I'm doing it. No quitter talk. Wow. While I am not typically a negative person, the rah rah thing has never been my particular forte. It feels weird just typing, "no quitter talk." 

Anyway, week 3 requires that I run for 90 seconds (fabulous, I can do that), walk for 90 seconds (excellent, I'm a pro at that), jog for 3 minutes (Um, excuse me?), walk for 3 minutes (totally confident I can do this part) and repeat for a total of 20 minutes. Fortunately for the children in the park all that walking/jogging keeps me too out of breath to swear. Rather, it keeps me too out of breath to swear loudly. I still manage to sort of hiss swear from time to time. And scowl. I probably look like the meanest person at the park. I've managed to relax my body while I run, but not my face. That's the next goal: Not only will I run for 3 minutes, but I'll do it without a scowl. It could happen.

Conundrum

This morning I said, "We have to run today." Kurt corrected me and replied "We GET to run today." Oddly, I find I agree with his correction. I am actually looking forward to being able to run. Or rather, I was looking forward to being able to run until I realized we would either be running in the rain (forecast for today suggests a deluge for the remainder of the day/evening) or have to use the treadmills at our city gym.


I'm not fond of being in the rain. A light sprinkle, while do-able, will inevitably start to grate on my nerves. A heavy rain will, for me, be miserable. Kurt asks, "Will you melt?" Well, no. No I will not melt, but I may have a melt down if I have to run in the rain. 


So use the treadmills, you say? Here's the thing: I hate treadmills. For some weird reason when I get off of the treadmill, I get motion sick. While running, I'm fine, but as soon as I stop the world spins. Oh and the gym smells. AND there are often strange people vying for the machines. I'm certain these people are the reason for the terrible smell. Ha.


So, what to do? Potentially aggravate the hell out of myself by running in the rain or risk hurling from motion sickness and stench brought on by the treadmill and the gym? Or skip day 3, stay in and drink wine? 


Just as I finished typing this a text came in from Kurt in response to my thoughts about the rain. Here it is: You want to try to be better or you wanna whine like a little baby???


He's joking. I hope.

Forget fashion, I need Function

As I said to my friend Jana (who is also participating in the Couch to 5K program and who is also blogging her journey, which you can follow here) its amazing how little fashion matters once you start to hurt a bit. When it comes to running, I do not care what I look like. I care only about how I feel. Which led me to purchase what I consider the worlds ugliest cross trainers. And I'm ok with wearing them in public even though when I do I look like the dorkiest dork of them all. Suddenly comfort seriously trumps fashion.

Given I'm on about function and keeping pain to a minimum, I'd like to share some items others might find helpful.  A friend of mine who runs regularly suggested both this brand of bra and this one. I have yet to try either, but I trust her judgment. For the moment I am wearing my Target compression bra underneath my Target High Performance (or something like that) sports bra. Classy, yes? Whatever, they get the job done and keep the tas from feeling like they will disconnect from my body.

Two Weeks In

I survived the first week. Not only did I survive, I trained when I really, really did not feel like it. That may seem so insignificant to whoever might be reading this, but to me, it's pretty big. As I said, I am not a fan of pushing myself. This program is as much about convincing myself, proving to myself that I can push through as it is about getting fit.

The 3rd day of the first week I prayed for rain. I did not want to go out there and move. Thankfully, I have a great partner in this endeavor who got me moving. I have to admit, when day 3 was over, I was pretty impressed with myself. Overwhelmed by the expectations of the coming weeks, but pretty proud and just a little hopeful that I might be able to pull this off.

Starting the second week and what I've learned thus far is this: 

1) The boobage needs serious support and there is no shame in doubling up the bras. One compression bra and one high support sports bra seems to do the trick nicely. What can I say? I do not like bounce.

2) Shoes! When it comes to jogging, shoes are all about function, not form. I am now the proud owner of what are perhaps the ugliest cross trainers EVER. I don't care. I feel good when I jog in them. (when I find my camera I'll post pics.)

3) Even when you don't want to jog, do it. I feel so proud of myself post session. 

So, that's my scoop. All words of wisdom and encouragement are welcome!

The Start

I've stuck by a few people and a few animals, but that's it. I'm not sure I really know how to finish anything or if I'm capable of pushing myself. If something hurts, I have always stopped. If something bored me, I would quit. If I got uncomfortable, I'd walk away.
So here I am at 40, pushing 41 and I have yet to follow through on much at all. I have not pushed myself. I have not been concerned with follow through or the opinions of others.


Because of this, in part, I found myself feeling a little lost and clueless about what to do with my life. I started wondering just what are my capabilities. I started looking for something to pursue, for something to tackle and finish.


My 41st was looming ever closer. I got more concerned with my health. All these years I've ridden on good genes rather than physical fitness. Don't hate me, but I've never had a  weight issue (good genetics, not will power) and so I've never had to work out.  That care free time was drawing to an end. If I wanted to be healthy and look fit, I was actually going to have to work at it.


Therein was the problem-- that meant I'd have to commit to a task. And while I wanted, in theory, to commit I really doubted my ability to follow through.


But I'm more mature now, surely. Surely by now I can commit to a goal and see it through. Right? I think so. This time I really think so.


Getting fit + Making a commitment and following through = Running.


I will complete the  Couch to 5K  program and when I do I will enter and run a 5K. For once, I'll be able to say I finished something.
And so I'm running.