Structure and Prep Necessary (gag) Evils.

I haven't been able to get out and run since the last time I posted and man was I feeling it. My body goes wonky on me when I don't get enough physical activity. Honestly, I go a little wonky when I don't get enough physical activity. Anyway, today I set out with the same intentions as last time-- to run for the pleasure and not the pursuit of a goal. This time, damn it all, this time my knee started really bothering me again and I had to call it at a mile and a half in. That seriously bummed me out.... for a little bit. For a teeny tiny moment I was disheartened and then I remembered something a Blogger friend wrote, "I've gotten only a little better ... but a little is so much more than none." So yeah, I only ran a little, but that really is so much better than none. 


Confession: It's my fault I'm still hurting. I've been terrible about stretching and doing my strengthening exercises. I'm a little contrary and rebellious. I just want to go and do. I hate preparing and following rules. I can not emphasize that enough. I truly dislike preparation of any kind. Preparation, or so I've always felt, wastes time. If I'm preparing, then I'm missing the thing itself. Weirdly, running is teaching me to slow down. Slowly, slowly, slowly I'm starting to grasp that I must prepare to run and I must allow some structure to seep into my running. So! While stretching is dull and strengthening exercises bore me, I will submit to the necessity of these "activities" and make myself do them.


Hopefully.

Give thanks

All day I was looking forward to running. I've cut back so much because of my leg and I've missed it. Today I decided to forget about distance, about pace, about duration and just run till I got too uncomfortable to keep going or until I decided to stop. It was magic. I ran for the joy of moving, not out of any desire to accomplish something. That was the most delightful run I've had since I started. I felt free and so grateful and full of thanks. I'm alive and I can run and dance and kiss and touch and FEEL GOOD and and and... Pretty awesome. 

And so, I'm thankful for

The ability to run

The idea of running the Disney Princess half marathon next year with a new found blogger friend while wearing a tiara delights me.

And so, I'm thankful for

New found inspirations and other bedraggled silly runners.

Life and all of its crazy ups and downs, twists and turns and unexpected surprises can drain you or uplift you. The people you surround yourself with, I believe, are key in determining which way the pendulum swings. I am incredibly fortunate to have in my life some truly lovely people who enhance and raise up rather than weigh me down. 

And so I am very, very thankful and grateful for 

All the amazing people that life has seen fit to bring into my world-- old friends, new found friends, friends who teach me and uplift me, who trust me and who I trust, who make me feel wise and loved. You know who you are :-)

I've heard of the runner's high and never been quite sure what it was. I suspect when others refer to the runner's high what I'm feeling now isn't it, but I think it is my runner's high, my little spot of Zen and clarity. 

And I like it. I like it a lot. 

Sweat and Tiaras

A fellow blogger, Maggie, Click here and Read her. Just do it., mentioned in a recent comment that she would be running the February 2012  Disney Princess Half Marathon in Orlando and asked, "Wanna join me?" Given the way my hip/leg has been feeling, its hard to imagine being able to run for 13 miles, but its not till 2012 and all kinds of healing and good things can happen between now and then.


AND....
She said we could wear tiaras. l am not that kind of girl and neither is she, but the idea of running a Princess Half in a tiara delights me. I have this fabulously comical image of myself a few miles into the run. You see,  I am not a pretty runner. I get sweaty. I do not glisten like a proper lady. Rather, I drip sweat blobs.  I also get red faced. In fact, I can get so red faced I cause alarm to those who see me. My hair goes all fly away and by the end of a half marathon I imagine I'll move in a wobbly motion at best. Now, pull up that visual -- sweat blobbing every where, red face, hair wild, wobbly-- and put a tiara on that image. 


That's my motivation to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon because I'm weird and weird things inspire me. Maggie, I have yet to actually see you. If we do this thing, I hope you'll look just as bedraggled as I know I will. If you're one of those barely sweat, never look good people, I'm NOT RUNNING WITH YOU!

It's Getting Better All the Time

I played tennis (lower level doubles, not a lot of running) on Sunday morning. It felt soooooooo good to be out in the sun, moving and being generally goofy. I had no leg pain while playing and none after. That told me it was time to go for a little run and see what would happen.
I haven't been out in a week and my leg might still be wonky (yes, I call it wonky) so I decided to take it easy and only run for maybe a mile and a half.  I did a mile and a half and made pretty good time, or at least it felt like I did. I'd know for sure but RunKeeper blipped out on me for some unknown reason. Regardless, it felt like I was keeping up a pretty good clip. All this time I was worried if I took more than a couple of days off I'd lose something from my running stamina bank. To the contrary-- I felt energized and faster.
I did have some leg pain, but not in my knee. Same weird groin area discomfort popped up and a come and go tweak in the outside of my right hip annoyed me periodically, but that's it.
The plan is to try to strengthen my legs while continuing to play tennis (it's an addiction) and running at least twice a week (another addiction). Here's hoping all goes well and there are no further set backs because I gotta tell you, I get a little excitable when I don't have a physical outlet. I sort of thrum with unused energy and if that energy doesn't find an outlet, Lord knows what I'll get up to.

Aint no rest for the wicked (or the easily bored)

Yeah, I'm not good at the rest thing. Apparently I have to be in a lot of pain to actually rest and well, my knee hasn't been bothering me the last two days. My hip, meh, that's given me tweaks for sure, but nothing consistent. So, given that I was in dire need of a sweat (I know that sounds SO weird, right? But if you've gotten used to working up a sweat on a regular basis, you miss it when it's gone. Not the sweat itself perhaps, unless of course you're just kinky that way, but the actions that generate it) I decided to try to play a little tennis. Before you say I'm crazy or ask why I would do that to myself, let me say this-- I didn't really play. That is, I didn't run like a manic for every ball. I took it easy and didn't even keep score.

A little aside here-- playing without keeping score is normally off limits for me because its BORING. I'm not of the new school that says we all win. No, no we do not all win. Winners win. Just ask Charlie Sheen.

Anyway, I took it easy, did a lot of warm up and slowly felt out my leg. I felt fine. I moved to the baseline for a little more movement and other than a hip tweak when I really threw my right leg out in a diagonal lunge,  I was alright. Hmmm, so am I ok to run? That I don't know and I'm a little scared to give it a whirl just yet.

Tomorrow I'm going to try participating in a very low key doubles round robin. If my leg cooperates with me, then I may try to do a short run on Monday. Here's hoping. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I really do miss running. If you'd told me even a few months ago there'd come a day when I would long to run, I would have laughed at you, but here I am feeling just that. Another lesson learned-- never presume to know what changes life might bring to you. Stay open and see what awesomeness comes your way.

And so she walked and became envious. Ha.

For the last few days I've been trying to let my knee/leg rest. Yes, leg too. Sheesh. Anyway, I'm not the kind of person who can come home at the end of the day and just sit. I don't like it. I don't want to waste my days doing nothing. Doing nothing makes me really grumpy.  If I'm going to rest though,  I can't run and I can't play tennis. So what's a girl to do? Head to the beach!

It was gorgeous out! I sat close to the water's edge and listened to the waves while the sun soaked into me. I felt soothed and restful until...
I glanced up at the broadwalk and saw all the runners. They were every where! Big guys, little tiny women, in pairs and singles-- runners all over the place. "Look at them out there RUNNING--showing off their uninjured legs. Bastards." Yeah, I really did. I'm not going to lie. I had this moment of pure envy wherein I would have done a lot to ensure this pain went away and I could run again right that moment. Good thing in S Florida we have beaches and not crossroads.
Anyway, I got over it-- sort of. I looked back out at the beach, while having a beer (beer helps) took a deep breath and resigned myself to simply walking for a short while. A short while. I will make my body behave and I will soon be out playing tennis and running again. That's the happy thought and that's what I'm sticking with.

Damn it.

Sunday morning I went for a run. That sounds like such a simple and non-threatening thing, doesn't it? And yet, on that run my right knee started to hurt and hurt pretty badly. I wasn't sure if I should try to push through the pain (hate to think of myself as a wimp) or stop. Being stubborn I chose to try to push through. By the time I hit 3 miles I was limping.

The walk to my car was an angry one. I was (still kind of am, honestly) pissed off at my body for betraying me. There was this part of me that thought once I stopped running I'd feel fine. When that didn't happen, I got grumpy. When the pain got worse, I got nervous. Other than a strained groin muscle I haven't had an injury that's kept me from running. The idea of having something go wrong that requires real time off and actual work to heal--- well, that freaks me out.

Sunday morning I went for a run and I'm not yet sure when I'll be capable of running again. In my stubborn mind I'll be running again by Friday. The reality? Likely not. Having talked with other runners and those who have dealt with knee injuries (thanks for all the insight, Lori!) I suspect its something called Iliotibial band syndrome (ITBS). See here if you want further information. Grrrr.


And so I'll rest and stretch and massage and work on strengthening my muscles. In the meantime, I'm not sure what I'll do...other than jones to get back out and run.

And so I'll keep running

I can't believe it's been a week since my first 5K. Not sure if this is an indication of a developing addiction, but I'm already looking forward to running my next race. Wait, that's not strictly true. Let me say it this way--I'm looking forward to finishing my next 5k.

 

This week I've started to suspect it's the feeling of accomplishment that spurs me on rather than the actual running. My relationship with running has changed a lot over the past 3 months. Initially I really disliked it. Little by little I've grown to anticipate running rather than dread it. I've gone from, "What? I have to run again today? Already?!" to "Alright. I get to run today." I've finally accepted running into my life. However, I'm still not in love with it. I expect this too will change in time, but maybe not. 

For right now what I do know is this-- running has changed my life in so many good ways. I am stronger both physically and mentally. I believe in myself more than I did. I feel unconquerable. If the zombie's attack, I can out run them. ( sorry, had to.)

Most importantly running has gotten me unstuck. I feel like I'm moving forward in my life again. I feel like I can breathe easier and strangely, I'm less concerned about the future. Maybe it's because I'm excited to see what else I can do and what else I am capable of doing. I don't really know and I don't really care. I'm just happy to feel what I feel.

So, while I'm not yet in love with running, I do love what running has done and is doing for me. And so, I'll continue to run.

Race Day Part 3

Once the shoe situation was finally under control and the initial rush began to ebb, the weight of the race started  to settle in. And yes, it was a weight. I'd put all this pressure on myself and this race. In my mind failing this race (and really, how could I have failed?) equaled failing some unnamed, larger thing.

Lesson 4: The only goal for race day should be to enjoy it. Do not pressure yourself!

That day was unseasonably warm.  This is south Florida and the sun can be brutal even in April. By the one mile mark I was feeling the heat. I was delighted to see the first water station, especially given how bad my cotton mouth was. I saw people stopping to drink and I thought, "What kind of madness is that? They are losing all sorts of time!" Well, they apparently know their abilities better than I know mine. I tired to grab a water and keep running while attempting to sip said water. Yeah, ha ha. Doesn't work. I nearly choked myself to death. But here's how committed to the moment I was-- I kept running while choking! Oh and I managed to run off in the wrong direction. I'm brunette, really.

Lesson 5: Take two seconds to stop and sip if you need a drink.

By the second mile (I'm not going to lie and say it was a breeze. It seemed to take an eternity to reach the second mile) I was starting to question my ability to finish. Every 1/4 of a mile I was doubting myself and my ability to finish. The sun was intense, the wind was coming at me (have I mentioned how very much I hate wind?) and when I knew I was finally getting close to the final stretch I saw.....

A bridge. A Hill. A bridge that is a hill. Again I find myself saying, loudly, "WHAT THE HELL?!?" Because for all the fitness I've developed over the past 4 months, at that moment I was beat. I felt like I was going to fall over and puke. So gross, but so true. I contemplated quitting, right there. I just wanted to say screw it and be done.

Then I remembered my people at the finish line and all the effort and excitement that led me to this moment. And then, and then....I went up that freaking bridge. At the top I looked down and saw the the finish line. In that moment every hurt, every ragged breath, every struggle became worth while. Crossing the finish line was one of the most satisfying experiences I have had. I can not do it justice. You just have to go out there and do it for yourself. And when you do, come tell me about it.

Lesson 6: When you think you can go no further, remember you really can and take the next step. The finish line is one hell of a high.

Race Day Part 2

In Part 1 I talked more about feelin' the love. This time I'm going to put down what running the race felt like.

Let me start by saying that prior to this race, I thought a late start would be a good thing. I now know better. This race started at 5:30 pm, which means I had all day to anticipate, mull, contemplate, fret and generally get myself all worked up. By the time we gathered at the start line I had the worst cotton mouth you can imagine. It was ridiculous.
Lesson 1-- if you're prone to over excitement (that would be me) choose a race that starts early.

So there I was with my gummy dried out mouth at the starting line. I was thrumming with excitement. The announcer kept talking-- a welcome, a prayer, the Star Spangled Banner. I had to bite my tongue to keep from shouting, "SHUT UP AND LET ME RUN BEFORE I EXPLODE!" Finally the announcer started the countdown: 10, 9, 8...3, 2, 1 and we're were off and it was exhilarating! It felt so good to be moving with the pack I did what everyone had warned me against-- running too fast at the start. Fortunately I quickly realized my error. Unfortunately that made me anxious. I kept thinking, "What if I'm going too fast and I burn out? Am I going to hyperventilate?" Silliness!
Lesson 2-- Just chill out and breathe. Remind yourself you've run this distance before, it's nothing to fret over. Make your mantra, "I'll be fine."

Lesson 3 (this is a biggie) Make sure your shoes are securely tied! Sounds like a no brainer and  maybe it is, but I never even thought to look at my shoes. Never, ever before had one of my shoes come untied while running. I have to repeat that-- NEVER have I had a shoe come untied while running. Guess what? Less than half a mile into the race I felt something flicking my right shin. I looked down and saw the laces of my right shoe flapping away. I thought, "What the hell? Seriously?" and decided to leave it untied. A short distance later my shoe felt like it was going to come flying off. I gave in, moved to the side, stopped and tied my shoe. Problem solved. Umm, no. Perhaps 3/4 of a mile later I feel that familiar flicking on my right shin again. I look down and again I think (but with more fervor), "What THE HELL? Seriously?!?" And again my shoe feels like it's going to come flying off. Again I move aside, stop and tie my shoe. This time, with much pissy attitude and force,  I tied a double knot and moved back into the pack.  That knot stayed, thank God.

To be continued...
                                           Starting line crowd

Race Day Video

I thought I wouldn't even have a picture of me crossing the finish line, but thanks to Sarah and Manny we each have video of crossing that very happy mark. Thank you Sarah and Manny!! In case you didn't know, you rock!

My actual start to finish time was 33:49.

Race Day Part 1

Yesterday was THE BIG DAY! I'm still kind of reeling and trying to process the whole experience. There's so much I want to say, but I'm thought tied and not sure where to begin. If you've been following along you know for me running this race was bigger than completing my first 5k. I'm proud of myself for so many reasons and I'm finding it difficult to adequately express just how good this feels.

And thinking of feeling good--Before I write anything about the race itself I have talk about some wonderful, amazing people I have the pleasure of calling friends.

The race yesterday was held at the port. Because of this I was under the impression that only runners were allowed into the event. However, as Kurt and I gathered with the other runners at the start line  (an amazing feeling!)  Kurt got my attention and pointed to the sidelines. There stood our friends Lori and Dave. When I saw them I was delighted, surprised and yes, giddy. Someone would be there to see me cross the finish line! The race started (massive wave of euphoria!) and as I ran over the start line I looked to my left-- there stood two more friends, Manny and Sarah! This time the combination of start of the race euphoria combined with giddy caused me to squeal, a few times. FOUR people would be there to see me cross the finish line!

While I truly dislike feeling vulnerable I'm going to tell you why this meant so much to me. I register love by actions, by being thought of, by time and effort expended because time is so very important. If you did something for me, you had to take time out of your life to think of me and to me, that is huge. It never occurred to me that anyone would go out of their way to find out if they could be there to cheer me on. I never even hoped anyone would be there. But there they were and it made me feel ridiculously loved.

Now I can tell you from experience-- if you have supporters, encourage them to come out race day. Not only is it an awesome way to kick off the race it is a fantastic motivator during the race. I had to run up a hill at the last bit (evil) and I had moments when I thought I was toast and couldn't possibly continue to run. Then I would think of my friends at the finish line and it gave me what I needed to keep running.

When I crested the hill I took off my earphones so I could take everything in with every sense. As I approached the finish line I could hear the cheering, the names being called as people completed the race.  I saw my friends and two more people-- my son and his girlfriend. Seeing all of them, hearing the crowd, seeing the finish line-- wow, totally overwhelmed me with emotion. I heard them cheering and made me step it up and nearly hop across the finish line. I barely heard my name being called. My brain was too busy trying to settle on one emotion. Elated, euphoric, blessed, grateful--- I was everything in one moment and it was amazing.

Thank you my beautiful, loving friends for surprising me and being a part of that piece of my life. I love you.
                                                            
                                                         Before the race:

After the race:

Quite the difference, eh?  To my right- Morgan, my son's most wonderful girlfriend and to my left my lovely friend Manny. Although... he IS looking at me like I smell badly. Probably did!

I'll write about the actual race experience in another post. Today I wanted to bask in the emotion rather than the race itself.

Giddy and Insights

Tomorrow evening I'll run my very first 5k. Holy cow!! I can't tell you how excited and proud I am to have arrived at this place. Rarely have I pushed myself to do something that makes me physically uncomfortable and this, I assure you, has made me uncomfortable. I never thought my lungs could handle running for more than a couple of minutes and here I am running 3.1 miles at a time. And I'm hoping to eventually run a half marathon. Maybe.

Lesson: Do NOT put limitations on yourself. Do NOT state what you can not do before you've made every effort and really tried. It is amazing what we are capable of accomplishing once we get out of our own way.
Things are going well in my life. I recently started a new job with nice people. I feel good. My life feels good. When I started this it was in an effort to get healthy, yes....but more so it was about finishing something and creating forward momentum in my life, becoming unstuck. Someone asked me today if I thought the good things happening in my life were connected to running and I answered with a resounding YES.

God, the world, the universe, life, what have you, has a way of responding to effort. Or so it's seemed to me in my life. Its as if life throws down the gauntlet and says, "Yeah? What are you willing to do to prove you're really in?" And when we show effort, a little commitment, life gives back in kind.

I firmly believe we are right where we are because that's where we've chosen to be. Do you have a good relationship with your kids, significant other, co-workers? Whose fault is that? Are you happy with your life situation? Who is to blame? Once we take responsibility for ourselves we can move forward and stop wasting time. If you aren't happy, CHANGE it. If you don't like your life, DO something to make a difference. Grab the reigns and tell yourself about all the things you can do and stop making excuses. Stop telling yourself what you can't do and find out what you are capable of. You only get one go around. Don't waste it.

The only thing we really can't control is our health. We can try to eat right and exercise and certainly that helps, but ultimately we are in the hands of our own genetics and we are not promised old age or good health. Knowing that should make us want to take full advantage of every single feel good moment we have. If you are healthy, do not waste it. Live and enjoy!