Tired

Yesterday lethargy stole over me. I had to make myself get up and do normal, routine things. That evening I played tennis and was able to run all over the place, but by the time I got home and had a bite to eat I was dead tired again. I went to bed early and got up early to play tennis again. In the 3rd set I felt all my energy drain. I wasn't even picking my feet up very well at that point. Had we not stopped I probably would have tripped myself. 


Over the past month I've stepped up the number of times per week I play tennis and our run/jog times have increased. I suspect my body is finally rebelling against the repeated requests for extra energy output. And likely I'm not taking in enough calories to compensate for all the calories burned. 


*disclaimer* if one person glibly suggests I eat a hamburger or have some cake, it's likely I'll hunt you down and beat you mercilessly. 


I don't eat much meat, no fast food (evil, fat making empire) and I'm trying to reduce the amount of sugar and processed foods I consume. Surprise, surprise! The healthier your lifestyle and the healthier you eat, the more you have to eat. That sounds great, but at a certain point I'm full and I don't want anymore. I love food, but I've never been able to consume large quantities. I'm a grazer and to intake the calories I need, I have to graze all the time.


I'm not complaining. I'd rather have my hummingbird metabolism than have to wrestle with the challenges of a slow one, but today I'm tired and annoyed that I managed to drop a pound when I've been trying to gain a couple. 


*second disclaimer* if anyone says anything like, "I wish I had that problem!" I'll likely hunt you down and beat you mercilessly too.

Just Rambling and possibly offending

I've noticed people who are overweight and trying to lose that weight/get fit, get a lot of support. They should. It's tough to lose weight and when you're going through those changes you need all the support you can get. 


If you are not overweight and you're trying to up your level of fitness, its different. There's more of a "Well, isn't that special" vibe about many of the comments you get. Sometimes there's even a touch of "Really? On top of not being overweight you're going to be healthy too?!" As if its audacious to want both.  I suspect many people think it's easy to get fit if you aren't overweight. I've got news for anyone who thinks that-- while it's easier in that a thinner person doesn't have extra weight to carry around, a person who is not overweight can still be out of shape and still have an uphill battle both mentally and physically.


Back to those overweight people and their vocal supporters. I wonder how many people who lose weight keep their overweight supporters/friends once the pounds they were trying to shed are gone? I suspect they lose a few overweight "friends" along the way. Breaking out of an unhealthy lifestyle and into a new one can be so difficult. People think it's just food, but its not. Sometimes getting healthy means losing relationships along the way.


I've noticed too that many women who are overweight refer to themselves as "real" women. I'm not sure what that means. Is their vagina more real than mine? Perhaps they have a more feminine uterus? I really don't know. What I do know is it seems like a hostile statement and I'm not sure why women would want to create hostility towards one another. What about sisterhood and women supporting one another? Is that only applicable to the "real" woman sisterhood? Shouldn't we, as women, encourage one another to be the very best women we can be, to become what is good and healthy for us as individuals without putting size labels onto ourselves? I think so. I think if you are a size 12 and you feel good, then you should love your size 12 body. If you're a size 2, 18 or 24 and are healthy and feel good, the same applies and you should be so in love with you that it never occurs to you to demean another woman's size or shape.


I've also noticed a trend to make men look like idiots in shows, commercials etc. They are portrayed as foolish, ignorant creatures who would be lost without a woman to guide them. On behalf of the amazing men I know, that really pisses me off. I'll save that blab for another time.

Inspiring my son = Pretty kick ass

Today was our 3rd day of running 25 minutes and other than a couple of encounters with a rogue dog, it went pretty well. While I'm really proud of having completed day 2 of week 7, I am nearly giddy with delight because my son has decided to do the couch to 5K program as well. 
About a week ago he called and told me because of the success Kurt and I have had with the program, he too was going to give it a try. He said he was impressed with what I had done up to that point. Shane and I have always had a good relationship. He seriously is one of my most favorite people. I've never been able to figure out how I helped create such a smart, funny, caring and very cool human being. To know that I've had a part in inspiring him to take his health a little more seriously and get a little more fit, wow. It feels really, really good. Imagine me with a big goofy grin because that's what's plastered on my face when I think of it. One day in the not too distant future, I hope we will run a race together. *Yeeeeeeeeeeee!* So cool.
He called me Monday night and again tonight to tell me of his experience with days 1 and 2 of week 1. I love that he not only wants to share what his experience has been, but that he wants to hear about mine as well. I'm a happy and very proud mom.

Oouch.

Our second 25 minute run was much better for me than the first. Hormones and discomfort weren't an issue, thank God. The run itself went really well. I finished with energy to spare and needed very little recovery time which made me feel really good. 
However, that night I was uncomfortable. My lower legs were achy-- outer sides below the knee and my calves. Also, I now have a crazy pain in my right big toe. Who gets a big toe pain? Ridiculous, but it actually hurts. I'd say everything else was a an ache, but that toe, when I step a certain way, makes me cringe. 
These are the first pains I've had since we started this program. I'm curious if its simply my body adjusting to more time running or if I'm doing something wrong. I did play tennis on hard courts the previous day, which could have something to do with it. 
Anyway, if you have any insight please share!

Hormones suck

I'm so eloquent, yes? Here's a little peek into my world-- hormones and running = BAD.  Yes, I'm pms'ing in a big way-- emotional, headache, the usual. On top of that, I have a weird pain in my stomach. No clue what brought it on or what it is, but it arrived an hour or so before we were scheduled to run. 

So, there I was in all my physical and mental distress getting ready to run my first 25 minutes. I decided to listen to an audio story by Neil Gaiman called Harlequin Valentine, which I think helped a lot. There's something about Mr. Gaiman's voice that I find very soothing and I really needed soothing. Anyway, on came the story and off I went. I started off mentally and physically so-so, but when I looked at my watch and saw I'd run for only 16 minutes and had 9 minutes to go, I deflated quite a bit. That's really a serious understatement. At that moment I thought I might die before I completed the remaining 9 minutes, but I kept going. Damn, did I. Even though I was hurting and I was tired and I was seriously thinking I might throw up (YAY for being a girl and having hormones. read that with sarcasm.) I didn't slow down. I didn't quit. GO ME!

So this 25 minutes was pretty awful, but because I did so well last week, I know it's due to the way I was feeling today (right? has to be!) and not my lack of ability. And so, I'm not totally discouraged. I am, however, really glad to have today's session over.

Birthdays and Crazy Talk

If we stay on track and if we do not have to repeat any days (so far, so good) we'll complete the couch to 5K program on my birthday. That wasn't planned and didn't factor into our start date in any way. For me, it's just a really cool, happy coincidence and a pretty awesome birthday present.

Last Friday we ran 20 minutes. This week we've alternated our run/walk time and tomorrow we run for 25 minutes. 25 Minutes. We're going to need all the good vibes you can toss our way. Start sending them so we can start storing them. It's so odd. The numbers/times still freak me out and yet earlier today, when I saw a marathon bumper sticker, I thought: If I can run for 3 miles (mind you, I haven't YET) surely I can run for 5 miles and maybe once I run 5 miles, I can just keep going. 


What the hell kind of crazy thought is that? I have yet to complete 3 miles and I'm thinking of 5? 5 is still in the distance, but I'm either insane or audacious enough to think of running even further?


I had to come back and add this link to 10 Best Marathons for First-Timers that popped up on my Facebook page shortly after my original post. As I said on FB, "Coincidence? I think not." And while I really do believe a full marathon is out of the question for me, I think it's possible that one day I might pull off a half marathon. I like the looks of the one in Arizona.

Surprising myself

Yesterday we completed day 1 of week 6. After the high of running my first 2 miles, mentally it was kind of a let down, but I did discover something very cool: I have reserves. Not sure when I developed this extra bit of oomph, but it's there and I like it. During one rotation I had jogged maybe 3 minutes and was just bitchy about it. I felt uncomfortable and wanted to stop, but I hated the idea of being a quitter so I kept going (gasp!). My jog at that point was a pace that I ought to have been ashamed of. Definitely a "I don't care, I don't want to do this" pace complete with crappy attitude. Somewhere around the 4-5 minute mark, I started to feel better and found a rhythm. About the 6th minute I decided to speed up my pace and move into a run. Here's the kicker-- rather than the added pace hurting me, it gave me a second wind and I smoothed out even more. I didn't know I had that much left in me until I tried. And thinking about that-- how many times have I missed out on something because I didn't try? How much more can I do? What is my body capable of? I really have no idea. What I do know is this-- In future when I am faced with a challenge I will no longer be comfortable saying, "I can't"  because no matter how difficult the task, I might surprise myself. I'm kind of falling in love with surprising myself.

I WIN!

I just kicked ass and ran my first 20 minutes!! I put my mp3 player on, I set the timer on my phone and I began to run. My head was full of self doubt (where does that crap come from?) and my body felt sluggish, but I put one foot in front of the other and I ran. The first half sucked--I wasn't comfortable mentally or physically-- but something changed in the second half. It was like my body settled into itself. I didn't hurt anymore and my rhythm felt good. When I thought the 20 minute mark was near, I checked the timer to see how much longer I had to go. When I saw I only had 2:25 seconds left I thought I would explode with excitement. Nickelback came on (don't judge!) and I kicked up the pace. I ran those last 2 minutes and 25 seconds and it felt good. When we finished, I nearly cried. How goofy is that? I was (and AM) so freaking proud of me, of us. I've had perma-grin ever since.
I just might, maybe, could happen, turn into a runner after all.

Fear of failure

This evening we are supposed to do our first 20 minute run. I'm freaked out that I can't do it. I played tennis yesterday and today and in combination with everything else, my legs are tired. *sniff* *whine* Send good vibes! DO IT!

Oh, Oh holy cow! I know my next goal

It may seem ridiculous to start planning my next goal, but as a friend recently told me, its fun to check things off of your list. Well, to get to the checking off part, I need to make a list, yes? 

So, first item on the list:

Run a 5K. 

Second:

Run another 5K and beat my previous time.

Third: (and here's where insanity and mayhem come in)

Run something like this Rugged Maniac 5K. Reading its description got me jazzed up! Truly, they had me at, "Not for the faint of heart, frail of body, or weak of mind, the Rugged Maniac 5K was designed with the assistance of Navy SEALs to push your limits and determine how rugged you truly are." I'm not sure I can run for a full 20 minutes yet, but wow, one day in the not too distant future, I'd really like to give an adventure run a try. I have one more thing to motivate me and propel me forward. 

A little side note here: I can not believe the idea of doing something like this excites me, but it does. What's happening to me?!

Hill conquered, mountain on the horizon

Yesterday I was sort of prepared to fail, a little anyway. I suspected doing 8 minute runs would be too much. I thought I'd have to stop somewhere around 6 minutes, walk for a few seconds and go back to the jog and repeat until I'd hit the 8 minute mark. I didn't have to stop for either 8 minute run and was actually able to increase my pace during the second one. GO ME!
Yesterday was the first time I'd used my mp3 player while I ran. Normally I sing weird ditties to myself, but this time I thought I might need a bigger distraction. I put my player on random and I have to say it was like the hand of the running God came down and chose the songs for me. One song was Changes by David Bowie which says things like, "time to face the strain...changes changes, come on you silly rock and roller.." Yeah, for me, that was awesome motivation. Had I made a play list to run to I wouldn't have chosen it , but it was perfect.
So the mountain to come is on Friday. On Friday its balls to the wall and we have to run for 20 minutes straight. Part of me is saying, "WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!" Another part is whispering, sort of timidly," So far, everything you thought you couldn't do, you've done." Mentally I'm perched somewhere between these two thoughts. I'm excited to try 20, but I'm freaked out too.
Changes

Miracles happen

Day 1 of week 5 complete! Do I kick ass? I think I do, just a little bit. Here's the miracle-- round 3 of 5 minutes felt like 3 minutes. I could have kept going. Booya! Feelin' good.

Time for wine :-)

Best day yet!

Day 3 of week 4 complete and it was the best day yet. I felt good while running. When each run rotation was finished I felt like I could keep going, which is a first. I'm really, really hoping that sticks around for next week when we have to up our run time rotations to 8 minutes. Could all of that wine last night have been the reason? Wouldn't that be great? What I do attribute my success to is the change of location. Thus far we've done each session at the same park and while its a nice park, I am pretty ADD and needed a change. Today we opted for Tree Tops Park:

I have always loved this park. It's a tranquil little bit of what Florida used to be hidden away in suburbia. We used a mix of dirt trails and paved paths today and for me that made all the difference. I was focused on each foot fall and not tripping (yes, I'm a clutz and easily manage to trip over my own feet on a smooth surface) rather than how much longer I had to run. Funny how I get so easily distracted in normal, every day life but when I have to run a certain length of time I can hone in on and rather obsessively focus on how long I've been running. Go figure.  Thankfully, today was so different. I felt energized by the environment and my body felt good. I didn't think about the time, just moving forward and the world around me. I am a well oiled machine! Ok, maybe not quite, but I'm getting there.

It was different for Kurt. Today he had a day like I did when I wrote my Biggest Pain in the Ass Yet post. Thank God we don't have those days at the same time. If we did, we'd just snarl and growl. We'd have to hire a cheerleader. Could get costly. So far we've been fortunate in this regard. We've taken turns having bad days. Here's hoping it stays that way.
I really need to take a moment and give Kurt the props he's due. Were it not for him, I doubt I'd have stuck with this. He has been an amazing encouragement to me. I can not adequately articulate just how deeply thankful I am for his support. Ok, let's hear a collective "awwwwwwwwwww!"

Wine and Lungs

This evening's session is complete, Zeppelin's playing, wine has been poured and dinner is made. *Insert massive contented sigh here* Frankly, I think the contentment is due more to the wine than a sense of accomplishment for having completed day 2 of week 4. I think attempting to run is contributing to my wine addiction. I so look forward to a post run glass of wine....or two. If that's wrong I don't really care, so don't tell me.


Biggest improvement thus far: My lungs. Today my lungs did their job and did it efficiently. The run times are longer and the walk times between runs shorter, but I'm not huffing and puffing like I was the first couple of weeks. I really thought if anything would prevent me from doing this it would be my piss poor respiratory system, but this evening proved my assumption false. I'm a little in awe of the improvement and I have to confess it gives me confidence. Yep, there's the little glimmer of confidence creeping in. A little voice telling me I may not be all talk and I just might really pull this off in 9 weeks. 


Also, (here's an example of just how optimistic I'm letting myself become) we've chosen our first 5K. The date is April 2nd. Wowee-Freaking-Kazowee.


Thought to ponder: Can I be a wino and have good cardio? 

This evening is day 2 of week 4. I'm not feeling great today so this evening could be a real struggle for me. My back has been bothering me a lot and now my abdomen is uncomfortable too. Not sure if that's related to the back pain or not. Oh the joy.


ANYWAY, I'm going to do the session regardless. The feelings I have are so contradictory. I'm really not looking forward to this evening, but I'm freaked out by the idea of falling behind. I have forward momentum and I do no want to lose an inch of it. I have this fear that if I miss one session I'll lose whatever conditioning I've acquired and have to start all over. I really do not want to start over. And that, I suspect, is at the heart of the worry-- If I have to stop for whatever reason, I'm afraid I won't start again. I just want to keep going and to finish.

Soooooo, we did it! I had this weird anxiety approaching the session this evening. I felt like my legs or my lungs or something would just stop and I'd fail to complete the rotation. Thankfully, I have a great partner. He kept telling me I could do it while giving me the freedom to repeat a week. I need that. The moment I feel anything or anyone is telling me I must do something, I rebel and quit. 


And so yes, we did it. Wow. I'm not going to lie, it wasn't fun. At about the 3:30 mark of the second round of 5 minute jogs, I started questioning my reasoning for wanting to do this. Actually, I starting questioning the sanity of wanting to do this and the sanity of anyone, ever, running anywhere for anything other than their life. Even running for ones life was in question at that point. 


While I was really proud of myself and of Kurt, post session I didn't have that same sense of hope I've had with with previous sessions. If anything, it made me further question my ability to keep it up for an additional 15 minutes. I'm a pretty active, low body weight person and this is tough. I can't imagine really going from couch to 5K. 


How long do you have to run to get a runner's high? All I have felt thus far is dizzy. I'd really like that high I keep hearing about.

Little freaked out

I seriously doubt my bodies ability to do the following, which is a shame because today is day 1 of week 4 and this is what's on the agenda:

• Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
• Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
• Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
• Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
• Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
• Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
• Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Obviously, I don't doubt my ability to walk for great lengths of time (thank God) and I now know I can jog for 3 minutes at a time. What's freaking me out is the jump to 5 minutes. It sounds like such a short time, doesn't it?  When you're in it, or when I am in it, it feels like its taking forever and I might possibly experience some sort of catastrophic blow out. Kinda freaked out about tonight.