Back to basics, sort of and Rock and roll girl

So, because of the tendon issue I've been having I had to stop running for a while. It made me angry. A couple of times I went out and ran out of sheer stubborn desperation. I'd run  an average of a mile and a half and be in agony. That would anger me further. Finally, I gave up.
And then, well and then one day I decided to go back to the basics. I walked and then I ran. I walked some more and ran even more. I ran more than I walked and it felt glorious to run again...until the next day when I had what felt like shinsplints. I didn't care. That could be dealt with. I had hope again.
Two days later I went out and did almost the same thing, but this time I dialed back the running time a little and gave myself more balance between my run and walk time. Then I did it again. And again. And it's getting better. I'm finding a new groove and routine. What I've discovered is this-- I'm running faster than I did before. Granted, it's shorter bursts, but I feel like I'm building up to something. The reality is I may never be able to jog more than a mile and a half at a time without some nasty consequences, but I may be able to make just as good time doing a run/walk split.
My goal is to do a run/walk for a minimum of 30 minutes 3-4, preferably 4, times a week and see how I progress. Eventually I'll try to run more than mile and a half straight. If the pain kicks in I'll walk, but at a good clip and when it settles down, I'll run again. I'm going to do another 5K and then I'm going to keep pushing. I want to eventually do a half marathon. I'd given up hope on that, but damn it that's what I want and I'm going to push.
And thinking of pushing....at core I am a rock and roll chick. It's rock that fuels me through a run and enables me to push further than I might otherwise have. Here are the two that pushed me on my last run. They gave my feet wings! Turn it up!

Unrepentant Tree Hugger

I've spent the last few days in San Francisco. I'm not going to lie-- if I could pack up and move tomorrow, I probably would. It is a magic place. Within 45 minutes you can go from city with non-stop cultural opportunities to woods that are nothing short of fairy tale amazing. I think it's safe to say that I kind of fell in love. The city inspires you to be a better person and member of the planet. That may sound like a massive overstatement to some, but for me it's the simple truth. While there you see how easy it is to live as a responsible member of the planet-- composting, organic, recycling, etc-- are all common place and in fact expected throughout the city.
And then, then there's the outdoors. Holy cow! It is spectacular!! The coast, the woods, the hills and mountains all inspire me to MOVE and oddly to be still and know that there is something far greater than me ( I say God,) at work in the universe. Oh man, I am such a hippy. I can run, but I can not hide from my inherent nature, thank goodness :)
San Francisco and the surrounding area inspired me to be a healthier me and an even more adventurous me. It inspired me to become more proactive in my approach to being a citizen of this planet. I can't change the world, but I can impact my corner and I plan to.

So, I've been away

I've been away from the blog for a while now and there's a reason other than laziness, I swear. Really. Here's the scoop--
As you may know I've been reckoning with ITBS (not IBS, very different) which is a total pain, literally.Google it. In addition to that, I am in South Florida and in Summer it is the approximate temperature of hell. These two things combined are bigger than my will. And so, I'm trying to figure out what to do next. I'm not sure. I'm really not, but I know I need to do something other than waiting around for my legs to cooperate with me.
And so, the title of the blog needs to change, don't you think? But to what? Thoughts? Insights? Feel free to offer your input. The content will change as well, obviously, but I feel like it needs to keep going. Maybe I'm wrong, we'll see.
Other than not running, it's been a good Summer. I've gone road tripping, visited with friends and am now getting ready to head off to San Francisco for the first time. I'll catch you up on those bits in the near future, with pics and everything :)

Off Topic- Football surprises

Let me preface this by saying I am not a celeb stalker. I do enjoy ogling my tennis players-- they are worth ogling-- but I do not obsess or fawn over people simply because they are famous. Nor am I impressed by people because they are well known.
That said!

I was out with a girlfriend last night at a local lounge/restaurant. We're having our drinks, talking about all the people we're scoping out and yes, judging them but all in good fun, when she says, "There's Dan Marino." Ok, if you live in South Florida, whether you like football or not, the man is an icon. Even so, at first I was only mildly interested in his arrival. I looked over sort of half heartedly and thought, "Yep. Dan Marino." But then a funny thing happened. I had to look again. And then again. And then I realized I could not stop looking at him. Never before had I thought Marino was even vaguely attractive, but put him in a room with me and apparently that thought changes a bit. The man is huge. Seriously big. That alone draws the eye, but I have to admit the famous factor probably played into it as well. And cocktails. I'm sure they played a part in my sudden reassessment.

Let me say this-- When Dan Marino put his arm around me, I felt all girly and small and I liked it. For whatever weird, inexplicable reason I just got sucked into all that manliness and I liked it. 

Near Death and Random Bits

What's been happening over the last few days? Well,

I nearly died in the bathtub. Those damn things really are pretty slippery when wet. I stepped in, my right foot slid chaotically, my left shin smacked against the step that leads into the tub. In the semi-violent chaos, all akimbo, nude, teetering on the edge of balance I found myself simultaneously laughing at the absurdity of the moment while being terrified and thinking, “Are you kidding me?! This is it? I'm going to die in a bathtub?!”  Thanks to my ninja-like reflexes, I obviously did not die in that incident. However, I did get a nasty bump and a bruise on my shin; which is so much more preferable to being found dead in a bathtub, ass up and naked for the world to see.

What else? Ahh, I woke up thinking about people and their peculiar behaviors. I was thinking about one person in particular who I feel is acting weirdly when I had this profound chat with myself:

Self: So and so is being weird.

Inner Self: Welp, it's so and so's prerogative to BE weird. We're all allowed to be weird.

Self: Hmmm. Yep. Fuck so and so.

I share that to share this: We've all had those moments when we noticed someone in our life being odd. Maybe they were acting like an ass or maybe like the above mentioned person, just kind of weird. So we think to ourselves, “Wow, he/she is acting (fill in the blank).” That's fine, but what many of us also do is follow up that statement with, “I wonder why?” Don't do that. Do not wonder why. Just remind yourself that people are what they are and move on. Too often we get caught up trying to figure out the why of people and that often leads to trying to make it better or fix them. Stop it. Contradict Nike in this instance and just don't do it. If a person wants or needs you, they will ask and if they don't, that's their fault and their problem. I think I'm preaching to myself, but maybe you needed to read it.

Of course I ran. I'm not up to snuff (Isn't that an odd word? I believe in addition to meaning "up to standards" it can also mean kill. Ponder that for a moment) yet, but I'm running and that feels really good. In addition to my own running I'm helping Shane's girlfriend (who from now on I will simply refer to as my friend, because she is) with her Couch to 5K program. And by "help her" I mean I accompany her on her runs. It's been a good time for me. She and I run at a similar pace and can chat a bit while we run. That's a novelty for me. I've never had a running companion before. I greatly enjoy the companionship and the encouragement. If I start to slow my pace I'm aware of it because I see her pulling ahead and that gets me moving again. Balance.
Not only is she a good running partner she's a lot of fun to drink margaritas with. My boy chose well.

And so until next time-- please use caution when entering or exiting the tub, fuck the so and so's and keep running! 

Wooooooooooooo-- Freaking-- Hoooooooooooooo!

Today I got home from work and I knew, injury or not, I needed to run. I needed to get sweaty and feel the joy of movement and at that moment I didn't care if it hurt. I don't know if it was a reprieve from some God of Running, God himself, the Fates or what, but I had no pain and I ran a 9 minute mile. Party people? My fellow sojourners on this wacky path to athleticism? May we take a moment to offer up praise and rejoice in this accomplishment? Wooooooooooooo-- Freaking-- Hoooooooooooooo! I'm not sure if I'm more pleased by the lack of pain or the speed with which I ran that mile. Regardless, I'm happy and I feel good.
I only covered about 2 miles and for the last bit of that, in an effort to be kind to my leg, I alternated between running and walking. I'm going to rest tomorrow and then go do it again on Friday or Saturday.  Little by little I'll increase my distance and just see what happens.
Offer up your feel good healing vibes, prayers, whatever it is you do and send them my way. I want to keep running. I want to keep becoming. I'll never stop trying to become something, evolving, but man I'd like that something to include "runner."

A little weight gain and a couple of F*ck Yous"

Soooo, I haven't been posting because I haven't been able to really run. Stupid leg/knee/ITBS thing has kept me sidelined. In addition to this, about a month and a half ago I got a job. The job is great, I'm happy to have it, but it has seriously cut into my tennis time. Yeah, I know. Spoiled much? Anyway, the bottom line is this: No running, plus less tennis, plus a fairly sedentary job = a slightly aggravated and heavier me. Broken down even more simply: Much less activity = Me gaining weight for the first time in over 20 years. Oh and I get a little wild inside when I'm not having enough of a physical outlet. Makes for interesting thoughts...which I might elaborate on sometime.

Back to the weight thing. It's only a couple of pounds and no one looking at me would know anything has changed, which is great. I can gain a few and still be what some would consider underweight. I don't care. I like me this way. I have never tried to be anything other than what I am. I do not diet. I do not watch what I eat. I do not avoid alcohol or dessert. Hate me yet? I've been slender for most of my life and I like it that way. You might now be saying, "So what's your problem?" Let me tell you.

For basically my entire adult life people have been telling me, "Just wait till you get older. You'll gain weight then!" And they have always said it with this sort of odd glee. Like they couldn't wait for it to happen to me. Me, being me, always said in reply, "Nope! Not gonna happen to me!" while inwardly I was saying, "Fuck you! No it won't!" Well, what do you expect? Its like people want me to get fat. It annoys me.

So here come these couple of pounds and I think, "Damn. Is this it?! Have they cursed me?" Suddenly instead of being fine with a couple of extra pounds I'm wondering if its the beginning of the end of my nonchalant attitude concerning weight gain. And let me tell you, I don't like it. I don't like that other people's weird need for me to gain weight has gotten into my head and you know what? I'm putting an end to it.

Yeah, I gained a couple of pounds and its because I've been sidelined, not because I've *gag* gotten older. I hope I'll have the luxury to continue to get older and I will do it in style. My style-- fit, happy and periodically wallowing in dessert and even more frequently in wine. Should more pounds have the audacity to creep in, I'll step up the physical activity. If I can't run, I'll walk. I'll kayak. I'll swim. I'll have even more sex. Ha. Whatever, I'm not giving all of the "...just wait and see" people the satisfaction of being able to say, "I told you so." Rather, I'll keep saying, "NOPE! Not me!" while thinking "Fuck you."

Structure and Prep Necessary (gag) Evils.

I haven't been able to get out and run since the last time I posted and man was I feeling it. My body goes wonky on me when I don't get enough physical activity. Honestly, I go a little wonky when I don't get enough physical activity. Anyway, today I set out with the same intentions as last time-- to run for the pleasure and not the pursuit of a goal. This time, damn it all, this time my knee started really bothering me again and I had to call it at a mile and a half in. That seriously bummed me out.... for a little bit. For a teeny tiny moment I was disheartened and then I remembered something a Blogger friend wrote, "I've gotten only a little better ... but a little is so much more than none." So yeah, I only ran a little, but that really is so much better than none. 


Confession: It's my fault I'm still hurting. I've been terrible about stretching and doing my strengthening exercises. I'm a little contrary and rebellious. I just want to go and do. I hate preparing and following rules. I can not emphasize that enough. I truly dislike preparation of any kind. Preparation, or so I've always felt, wastes time. If I'm preparing, then I'm missing the thing itself. Weirdly, running is teaching me to slow down. Slowly, slowly, slowly I'm starting to grasp that I must prepare to run and I must allow some structure to seep into my running. So! While stretching is dull and strengthening exercises bore me, I will submit to the necessity of these "activities" and make myself do them.


Hopefully.

Give thanks

All day I was looking forward to running. I've cut back so much because of my leg and I've missed it. Today I decided to forget about distance, about pace, about duration and just run till I got too uncomfortable to keep going or until I decided to stop. It was magic. I ran for the joy of moving, not out of any desire to accomplish something. That was the most delightful run I've had since I started. I felt free and so grateful and full of thanks. I'm alive and I can run and dance and kiss and touch and FEEL GOOD and and and... Pretty awesome. 

And so, I'm thankful for

The ability to run

The idea of running the Disney Princess half marathon next year with a new found blogger friend while wearing a tiara delights me.

And so, I'm thankful for

New found inspirations and other bedraggled silly runners.

Life and all of its crazy ups and downs, twists and turns and unexpected surprises can drain you or uplift you. The people you surround yourself with, I believe, are key in determining which way the pendulum swings. I am incredibly fortunate to have in my life some truly lovely people who enhance and raise up rather than weigh me down. 

And so I am very, very thankful and grateful for 

All the amazing people that life has seen fit to bring into my world-- old friends, new found friends, friends who teach me and uplift me, who trust me and who I trust, who make me feel wise and loved. You know who you are :-)

I've heard of the runner's high and never been quite sure what it was. I suspect when others refer to the runner's high what I'm feeling now isn't it, but I think it is my runner's high, my little spot of Zen and clarity. 

And I like it. I like it a lot. 

Sweat and Tiaras

A fellow blogger, Maggie, Click here and Read her. Just do it., mentioned in a recent comment that she would be running the February 2012  Disney Princess Half Marathon in Orlando and asked, "Wanna join me?" Given the way my hip/leg has been feeling, its hard to imagine being able to run for 13 miles, but its not till 2012 and all kinds of healing and good things can happen between now and then.


AND....
She said we could wear tiaras. l am not that kind of girl and neither is she, but the idea of running a Princess Half in a tiara delights me. I have this fabulously comical image of myself a few miles into the run. You see,  I am not a pretty runner. I get sweaty. I do not glisten like a proper lady. Rather, I drip sweat blobs.  I also get red faced. In fact, I can get so red faced I cause alarm to those who see me. My hair goes all fly away and by the end of a half marathon I imagine I'll move in a wobbly motion at best. Now, pull up that visual -- sweat blobbing every where, red face, hair wild, wobbly-- and put a tiara on that image. 


That's my motivation to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon because I'm weird and weird things inspire me. Maggie, I have yet to actually see you. If we do this thing, I hope you'll look just as bedraggled as I know I will. If you're one of those barely sweat, never look good people, I'm NOT RUNNING WITH YOU!

It's Getting Better All the Time

I played tennis (lower level doubles, not a lot of running) on Sunday morning. It felt soooooooo good to be out in the sun, moving and being generally goofy. I had no leg pain while playing and none after. That told me it was time to go for a little run and see what would happen.
I haven't been out in a week and my leg might still be wonky (yes, I call it wonky) so I decided to take it easy and only run for maybe a mile and a half.  I did a mile and a half and made pretty good time, or at least it felt like I did. I'd know for sure but RunKeeper blipped out on me for some unknown reason. Regardless, it felt like I was keeping up a pretty good clip. All this time I was worried if I took more than a couple of days off I'd lose something from my running stamina bank. To the contrary-- I felt energized and faster.
I did have some leg pain, but not in my knee. Same weird groin area discomfort popped up and a come and go tweak in the outside of my right hip annoyed me periodically, but that's it.
The plan is to try to strengthen my legs while continuing to play tennis (it's an addiction) and running at least twice a week (another addiction). Here's hoping all goes well and there are no further set backs because I gotta tell you, I get a little excitable when I don't have a physical outlet. I sort of thrum with unused energy and if that energy doesn't find an outlet, Lord knows what I'll get up to.

Aint no rest for the wicked (or the easily bored)

Yeah, I'm not good at the rest thing. Apparently I have to be in a lot of pain to actually rest and well, my knee hasn't been bothering me the last two days. My hip, meh, that's given me tweaks for sure, but nothing consistent. So, given that I was in dire need of a sweat (I know that sounds SO weird, right? But if you've gotten used to working up a sweat on a regular basis, you miss it when it's gone. Not the sweat itself perhaps, unless of course you're just kinky that way, but the actions that generate it) I decided to try to play a little tennis. Before you say I'm crazy or ask why I would do that to myself, let me say this-- I didn't really play. That is, I didn't run like a manic for every ball. I took it easy and didn't even keep score.

A little aside here-- playing without keeping score is normally off limits for me because its BORING. I'm not of the new school that says we all win. No, no we do not all win. Winners win. Just ask Charlie Sheen.

Anyway, I took it easy, did a lot of warm up and slowly felt out my leg. I felt fine. I moved to the baseline for a little more movement and other than a hip tweak when I really threw my right leg out in a diagonal lunge,  I was alright. Hmmm, so am I ok to run? That I don't know and I'm a little scared to give it a whirl just yet.

Tomorrow I'm going to try participating in a very low key doubles round robin. If my leg cooperates with me, then I may try to do a short run on Monday. Here's hoping. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I really do miss running. If you'd told me even a few months ago there'd come a day when I would long to run, I would have laughed at you, but here I am feeling just that. Another lesson learned-- never presume to know what changes life might bring to you. Stay open and see what awesomeness comes your way.

And so she walked and became envious. Ha.

For the last few days I've been trying to let my knee/leg rest. Yes, leg too. Sheesh. Anyway, I'm not the kind of person who can come home at the end of the day and just sit. I don't like it. I don't want to waste my days doing nothing. Doing nothing makes me really grumpy.  If I'm going to rest though,  I can't run and I can't play tennis. So what's a girl to do? Head to the beach!

It was gorgeous out! I sat close to the water's edge and listened to the waves while the sun soaked into me. I felt soothed and restful until...
I glanced up at the broadwalk and saw all the runners. They were every where! Big guys, little tiny women, in pairs and singles-- runners all over the place. "Look at them out there RUNNING--showing off their uninjured legs. Bastards." Yeah, I really did. I'm not going to lie. I had this moment of pure envy wherein I would have done a lot to ensure this pain went away and I could run again right that moment. Good thing in S Florida we have beaches and not crossroads.
Anyway, I got over it-- sort of. I looked back out at the beach, while having a beer (beer helps) took a deep breath and resigned myself to simply walking for a short while. A short while. I will make my body behave and I will soon be out playing tennis and running again. That's the happy thought and that's what I'm sticking with.

Damn it.

Sunday morning I went for a run. That sounds like such a simple and non-threatening thing, doesn't it? And yet, on that run my right knee started to hurt and hurt pretty badly. I wasn't sure if I should try to push through the pain (hate to think of myself as a wimp) or stop. Being stubborn I chose to try to push through. By the time I hit 3 miles I was limping.

The walk to my car was an angry one. I was (still kind of am, honestly) pissed off at my body for betraying me. There was this part of me that thought once I stopped running I'd feel fine. When that didn't happen, I got grumpy. When the pain got worse, I got nervous. Other than a strained groin muscle I haven't had an injury that's kept me from running. The idea of having something go wrong that requires real time off and actual work to heal--- well, that freaks me out.

Sunday morning I went for a run and I'm not yet sure when I'll be capable of running again. In my stubborn mind I'll be running again by Friday. The reality? Likely not. Having talked with other runners and those who have dealt with knee injuries (thanks for all the insight, Lori!) I suspect its something called Iliotibial band syndrome (ITBS). See here if you want further information. Grrrr.


And so I'll rest and stretch and massage and work on strengthening my muscles. In the meantime, I'm not sure what I'll do...other than jones to get back out and run.

And so I'll keep running

I can't believe it's been a week since my first 5K. Not sure if this is an indication of a developing addiction, but I'm already looking forward to running my next race. Wait, that's not strictly true. Let me say it this way--I'm looking forward to finishing my next 5k.

 

This week I've started to suspect it's the feeling of accomplishment that spurs me on rather than the actual running. My relationship with running has changed a lot over the past 3 months. Initially I really disliked it. Little by little I've grown to anticipate running rather than dread it. I've gone from, "What? I have to run again today? Already?!" to "Alright. I get to run today." I've finally accepted running into my life. However, I'm still not in love with it. I expect this too will change in time, but maybe not. 

For right now what I do know is this-- running has changed my life in so many good ways. I am stronger both physically and mentally. I believe in myself more than I did. I feel unconquerable. If the zombie's attack, I can out run them. ( sorry, had to.)

Most importantly running has gotten me unstuck. I feel like I'm moving forward in my life again. I feel like I can breathe easier and strangely, I'm less concerned about the future. Maybe it's because I'm excited to see what else I can do and what else I am capable of doing. I don't really know and I don't really care. I'm just happy to feel what I feel.

So, while I'm not yet in love with running, I do love what running has done and is doing for me. And so, I'll continue to run.

Race Day Part 3

Once the shoe situation was finally under control and the initial rush began to ebb, the weight of the race started  to settle in. And yes, it was a weight. I'd put all this pressure on myself and this race. In my mind failing this race (and really, how could I have failed?) equaled failing some unnamed, larger thing.

Lesson 4: The only goal for race day should be to enjoy it. Do not pressure yourself!

That day was unseasonably warm.  This is south Florida and the sun can be brutal even in April. By the one mile mark I was feeling the heat. I was delighted to see the first water station, especially given how bad my cotton mouth was. I saw people stopping to drink and I thought, "What kind of madness is that? They are losing all sorts of time!" Well, they apparently know their abilities better than I know mine. I tired to grab a water and keep running while attempting to sip said water. Yeah, ha ha. Doesn't work. I nearly choked myself to death. But here's how committed to the moment I was-- I kept running while choking! Oh and I managed to run off in the wrong direction. I'm brunette, really.

Lesson 5: Take two seconds to stop and sip if you need a drink.

By the second mile (I'm not going to lie and say it was a breeze. It seemed to take an eternity to reach the second mile) I was starting to question my ability to finish. Every 1/4 of a mile I was doubting myself and my ability to finish. The sun was intense, the wind was coming at me (have I mentioned how very much I hate wind?) and when I knew I was finally getting close to the final stretch I saw.....

A bridge. A Hill. A bridge that is a hill. Again I find myself saying, loudly, "WHAT THE HELL?!?" Because for all the fitness I've developed over the past 4 months, at that moment I was beat. I felt like I was going to fall over and puke. So gross, but so true. I contemplated quitting, right there. I just wanted to say screw it and be done.

Then I remembered my people at the finish line and all the effort and excitement that led me to this moment. And then, and then....I went up that freaking bridge. At the top I looked down and saw the the finish line. In that moment every hurt, every ragged breath, every struggle became worth while. Crossing the finish line was one of the most satisfying experiences I have had. I can not do it justice. You just have to go out there and do it for yourself. And when you do, come tell me about it.

Lesson 6: When you think you can go no further, remember you really can and take the next step. The finish line is one hell of a high.

Race Day Part 2

In Part 1 I talked more about feelin' the love. This time I'm going to put down what running the race felt like.

Let me start by saying that prior to this race, I thought a late start would be a good thing. I now know better. This race started at 5:30 pm, which means I had all day to anticipate, mull, contemplate, fret and generally get myself all worked up. By the time we gathered at the start line I had the worst cotton mouth you can imagine. It was ridiculous.
Lesson 1-- if you're prone to over excitement (that would be me) choose a race that starts early.

So there I was with my gummy dried out mouth at the starting line. I was thrumming with excitement. The announcer kept talking-- a welcome, a prayer, the Star Spangled Banner. I had to bite my tongue to keep from shouting, "SHUT UP AND LET ME RUN BEFORE I EXPLODE!" Finally the announcer started the countdown: 10, 9, 8...3, 2, 1 and we're were off and it was exhilarating! It felt so good to be moving with the pack I did what everyone had warned me against-- running too fast at the start. Fortunately I quickly realized my error. Unfortunately that made me anxious. I kept thinking, "What if I'm going too fast and I burn out? Am I going to hyperventilate?" Silliness!
Lesson 2-- Just chill out and breathe. Remind yourself you've run this distance before, it's nothing to fret over. Make your mantra, "I'll be fine."

Lesson 3 (this is a biggie) Make sure your shoes are securely tied! Sounds like a no brainer and  maybe it is, but I never even thought to look at my shoes. Never, ever before had one of my shoes come untied while running. I have to repeat that-- NEVER have I had a shoe come untied while running. Guess what? Less than half a mile into the race I felt something flicking my right shin. I looked down and saw the laces of my right shoe flapping away. I thought, "What the hell? Seriously?" and decided to leave it untied. A short distance later my shoe felt like it was going to come flying off. I gave in, moved to the side, stopped and tied my shoe. Problem solved. Umm, no. Perhaps 3/4 of a mile later I feel that familiar flicking on my right shin again. I look down and again I think (but with more fervor), "What THE HELL? Seriously?!?" And again my shoe feels like it's going to come flying off. Again I move aside, stop and tie my shoe. This time, with much pissy attitude and force,  I tied a double knot and moved back into the pack.  That knot stayed, thank God.

To be continued...
                                           Starting line crowd

Race Day Video

I thought I wouldn't even have a picture of me crossing the finish line, but thanks to Sarah and Manny we each have video of crossing that very happy mark. Thank you Sarah and Manny!! In case you didn't know, you rock!

My actual start to finish time was 33:49.

Race Day Part 1

Yesterday was THE BIG DAY! I'm still kind of reeling and trying to process the whole experience. There's so much I want to say, but I'm thought tied and not sure where to begin. If you've been following along you know for me running this race was bigger than completing my first 5k. I'm proud of myself for so many reasons and I'm finding it difficult to adequately express just how good this feels.

And thinking of feeling good--Before I write anything about the race itself I have talk about some wonderful, amazing people I have the pleasure of calling friends.

The race yesterday was held at the port. Because of this I was under the impression that only runners were allowed into the event. However, as Kurt and I gathered with the other runners at the start line  (an amazing feeling!)  Kurt got my attention and pointed to the sidelines. There stood our friends Lori and Dave. When I saw them I was delighted, surprised and yes, giddy. Someone would be there to see me cross the finish line! The race started (massive wave of euphoria!) and as I ran over the start line I looked to my left-- there stood two more friends, Manny and Sarah! This time the combination of start of the race euphoria combined with giddy caused me to squeal, a few times. FOUR people would be there to see me cross the finish line!

While I truly dislike feeling vulnerable I'm going to tell you why this meant so much to me. I register love by actions, by being thought of, by time and effort expended because time is so very important. If you did something for me, you had to take time out of your life to think of me and to me, that is huge. It never occurred to me that anyone would go out of their way to find out if they could be there to cheer me on. I never even hoped anyone would be there. But there they were and it made me feel ridiculously loved.

Now I can tell you from experience-- if you have supporters, encourage them to come out race day. Not only is it an awesome way to kick off the race it is a fantastic motivator during the race. I had to run up a hill at the last bit (evil) and I had moments when I thought I was toast and couldn't possibly continue to run. Then I would think of my friends at the finish line and it gave me what I needed to keep running.

When I crested the hill I took off my earphones so I could take everything in with every sense. As I approached the finish line I could hear the cheering, the names being called as people completed the race.  I saw my friends and two more people-- my son and his girlfriend. Seeing all of them, hearing the crowd, seeing the finish line-- wow, totally overwhelmed me with emotion. I heard them cheering and made me step it up and nearly hop across the finish line. I barely heard my name being called. My brain was too busy trying to settle on one emotion. Elated, euphoric, blessed, grateful--- I was everything in one moment and it was amazing.

Thank you my beautiful, loving friends for surprising me and being a part of that piece of my life. I love you.
                                                            
                                                         Before the race:

After the race:

Quite the difference, eh?  To my right- Morgan, my son's most wonderful girlfriend and to my left my lovely friend Manny. Although... he IS looking at me like I smell badly. Probably did!

I'll write about the actual race experience in another post. Today I wanted to bask in the emotion rather than the race itself.

Giddy and Insights

Tomorrow evening I'll run my very first 5k. Holy cow!! I can't tell you how excited and proud I am to have arrived at this place. Rarely have I pushed myself to do something that makes me physically uncomfortable and this, I assure you, has made me uncomfortable. I never thought my lungs could handle running for more than a couple of minutes and here I am running 3.1 miles at a time. And I'm hoping to eventually run a half marathon. Maybe.

Lesson: Do NOT put limitations on yourself. Do NOT state what you can not do before you've made every effort and really tried. It is amazing what we are capable of accomplishing once we get out of our own way.
Things are going well in my life. I recently started a new job with nice people. I feel good. My life feels good. When I started this it was in an effort to get healthy, yes....but more so it was about finishing something and creating forward momentum in my life, becoming unstuck. Someone asked me today if I thought the good things happening in my life were connected to running and I answered with a resounding YES.

God, the world, the universe, life, what have you, has a way of responding to effort. Or so it's seemed to me in my life. Its as if life throws down the gauntlet and says, "Yeah? What are you willing to do to prove you're really in?" And when we show effort, a little commitment, life gives back in kind.

I firmly believe we are right where we are because that's where we've chosen to be. Do you have a good relationship with your kids, significant other, co-workers? Whose fault is that? Are you happy with your life situation? Who is to blame? Once we take responsibility for ourselves we can move forward and stop wasting time. If you aren't happy, CHANGE it. If you don't like your life, DO something to make a difference. Grab the reigns and tell yourself about all the things you can do and stop making excuses. Stop telling yourself what you can't do and find out what you are capable of. You only get one go around. Don't waste it.

The only thing we really can't control is our health. We can try to eat right and exercise and certainly that helps, but ultimately we are in the hands of our own genetics and we are not promised old age or good health. Knowing that should make us want to take full advantage of every single feel good moment we have. If you are healthy, do not waste it. Live and enjoy!

Race Packet

I got my first race packet today! Ok, so I understand that a number and a t-shirt aren't the height of excitement to most people, but those items are pretty cool to me. I mean, I have a race number! A few months ago I never would have believed I'd have the pleasure (nor would I have thought of it as a pleasure) of pinning a race number to my shirt and running with a pack. I'm dorky, I know it, but I find it incredibly cool.

ONE day left and it's race day!!! The race doesn't start till 5:30 PM Saturday. I have no idea what I'll do with myself the first half of that day. Should I just relax? Stay active? The only things I know I'll do are 1) stretch and 2) try really hard no to hyperventilate.

Excitement and Just maybe unstuck

So excited I can hardly stand it. TWO more days to get through and it's race day!! For this evening's run I did 3.1 miles in honor of the upcoming big day. My time was a little slower than my previous run, but as I said in an earlier post-- I'm still sorting out just what normal or average is for me. According to my Run Keeper (which I love, by the way) I did 3.1 miles in 33:14 with a 10:42 average min/mile. 10:30 has been my recent best. I'm thinking I'll settle in somewhere around 10:20-10:30. Once I do, I'll try to kick it up a notch.

But anyway! I don't really care about that right now. All I care about is getting my race packet tomorrow and running my race. Is it totally goofy to be giddy about getting my first race packet? Whether it is or not, I am.  Here's the really silly bit-- I don't even know what a race packet consists of. I don't care either. It's my first and marks a milestone.

I'm thinking I won't run again until race day. In the meantime I'll stretch, a lot. 

Oh and hey, I started a new job a week and a half ago. I wonder, am I finally becoming unstuck?

Hope and cutting a little slack

When I last posted I had come off a very uncomfortable and very slow run. The run following that one was marginally better, but not by much. Time off and leg pain set me back a bit. After that second run I was really discouraged. BUT, the next run was better and the next even better and the one after that was better still. I did my last 3 miles in in 31:30. For me, that's pretty damn good. So if you're in a down spot, don't lose hope! You will get better. If you keep pushing, keep trying, you really will do better. I know it.

When I first started I had hopes of doing a 10 minute mile right away. Its supposed to be the norm, after all. In the beginning there were runs that came close to that time, but then I'd fade out. I think I'm still trying to find my average pace. I've only been doing this 3 times a week for 11 weeks and I've only run the full 3 miles for a few of those weeks. Slowly but surely I'm accepting that sometimes you have to cut yourself a little slack. And really, I've never been much for normal anyway :-) So, I'll be happy with 31:30 and give myself the challenge of maintaining that and finding my pace. Once I find the pace I consistently hit and do that for a bit then and only then will I push it a little more.

If only this stupid groin/leg pain would go away once and for all I'd be set...or so I think. I want maybe 3 months of uninterrupted run time. At that point I think my body will have finally accepted running 3 times a week as  normal and a few days off won't throw me off track....or so I think. There's still so much to discover and learn about running, about me and my body and it's capabilities.

And lest I forget to mention it:
THE COUNTDOWN IS ON! 6 Days until until my first 5K! Send good vibes, say good prayers for a healthy, pain free, wind free, feel good day on April 2nd!!

Lesson Learned

At the newbie stage, or for me anyway, running has so many ups and downs. There are days when I feel really good both during and post run. Ok, there have only been a few of those thus far, but now that those times have happened, I know they exist and look forward to them happening more often. Most days are just normal-- no real over the top excitement, but nothing horrible either. Then there are the bad days. Yesterday was a bad day. 

I'd taken an extra day off to give a leg muscle some rest. That meant yesterday would mark the 3rd day I'd gone without running since starting about 10 weeks ago. It was important to me to run because I was concerned that taking more time off would only make running again more difficult. (If you're male you're not going to relate to the following so feel free to stop reading now.) Then I woke up yesterday  with cramps and a nasty little headache. I spent all of yesterday taking Advil and trying everything I could think of to relieve the headache. I iced my head, I applied heat, I drank water, I tried green tea, I stood under hot water in the shower-- nothing brought relief. Evening came and it was time to run. What to do?

On a day like that I would normally do nothing. Normally, I would lay down somewhere and wait out the pain, but yesterday was the 3rd day off and I was a little weirded out. My thought process was this-- I'm already in pain. This day has already sucked. The worst thing that will happen is I'll collapse in pain or I'll throw up or both. I also had a strange thought that maybe the exertion would somehow help with either the cramps or the headache.

Here's what happened and what I now know-- Under those conditions I can run, very slowly,  for 30 minutes but can not run for 3 miles. Running does, in the moment, relieve cramps, but does not help with a headache. I didn't collapse in pain or toss my cookies, but by the time I finished I felt like I might do both and my head might blow off of my neck. It really was pretty awful. So, lesson learned. Do not try to push through a headache. You may be able to run but its not going to be worth it. I should have taken an extra day and when I ran again just cut myself some slack. Anyway, now I know.

Grumble and Shoes

After a lot of indecision I did run on Sunday and it went really well (see previous post. I even whooped at the finish) except for the pain level towards the end. That weird leg/groin pain just will not leave me alone. Sunday night the discomfort actually woke me up a couple of times. Anyway, I should be running tonight, but I'm forcing myself to rest instead. I'm not happy about it, but I suspect I'm doing myself a favor. Perhaps by resting now I'm preventing a more serious injury and avoiding a longer rest. My big worry is that I won't heal in time or be ready to run my first 5K on April 2nd. Right now, were it not for the leg pain, I could absolutely run the 5K and likely be satisfied with my time. If the pain keeps up and I have to take more time off... I don't know. GRUMBLE.

Last week I caved and bought my first pair of "real" running (or maybe they are cross trainers?) shoes. I went to http://www.runnersdepot.com/, which was kind of cool. They have people there who advise you, analyze your gait, etc. It's also a great place to find out about upcoming races or get connected with other runners. I ended up with this pair:

Gaudy? Yes, yes they are. However, they are super comfy and so very lightweight. I've run in them twice and while they took a little getting used to (I think they somehow manage to force me forward) I'm liking them quite a bit. According the employee at the running store I'm fortunate-- neutral gait and can wear pretty much any kind of running shoe. These will do just fine for shorter distances like 5Ks. If I decide to go for real distances, I'll look into something geared in that direction.

A toy, Songs and a whoop

My friend Lori told me about a cool little app for the iphone called runkeeper. You can check it out here. It's pretty cool and its free which is always great. Thanks to this app I can track everything in the moment-- how long I've been running, how far I've run, my pace, calories burned, etc. Today I did 3 miles in 32 minutes. That seems to be my average. I've wobbled up and down, but right around 10:40 a mile seems to be my comfort zone. I'm not thrilled with that, but I'm not dissatisfied either. Anyway, runkeeper is a pretty cool toy. If you're running and haven't tried something like this, take a peek. 

Best songs on the rotation today:

Foo Fighters: No Way Back

Jet:  Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Smashmouth: Peace Frog

Would love to hear what you like to run to. ???

By the by--- when I finished today I let out a rather loud WHOOP! Internally I was flying and I just felt so good. I started singing along to the song that was finishing up, No Way Back, and realized I was in fact singing out loud. I didn't care. :-)

Now my glass of wine. Cheers!!

Blathering silly anxiety and indecision

The moment I completed my first 3 miles I wanted to go run an official 5k. At that moment I was suddenly terrified something would happen-- an injury or illness--- and I wouldn't be able to run for a week or more. If that were to happen I am convinced I'd lose all momentum, everything I've so recently gained and have to start all over again. I'm so new to running my base feels fragile. It makes me feel vulnerable.  I've been able to "train" (c25k) 3 times a week for the past 9 weeks. I haven't gone more than 2 days without  running in the past 9 weeks. I'm not sure how long I have to run-- how many weeks, months-- before it will be ingrained in my body memory. If, for some reason, I was unable to run for a week when I was once again able to run, would it feel like starting over or is my base firm at this point? I don't want to have to find out. I really don't want any setbacks or do-overs.
I wonder if any other new runners have felt this way? Is the idea of losing what you've gained as bothersome to you as it is to me? I wonder how long you have to run before you feel like you've arrived and a break doesn't mean you'll lose ground?
And yes, I'll confess-- when I ran on Friday the pain in my upper right thigh/groin came back and made the run uncomfortable and slower than I'd have liked. To keep to my schedule I really ought to run tomorrow, but I'm kind of worried about that leg muscle. However, if I don't run tomorrow I won't be able to until Tuesday and I'm afraid if I wait that long it'll be harder than normal. Sometimes even after 2 days its a little more of a struggle.
Blah. I want to do what's best for me-- run or rest-- but I'm so new to this, I have no idea which is best.

It's official

Today is the 3rd day of week 9 of the couch to 5k program-- the last day. It's official-- I can run a 5k. Maybe I don't run 3.1 miles with a whole lot of grace and style, but I get it done. And you know what? The grace part is coming. My posture is getting better, my movement is sometimes smooth and every now and then I realize I'm not scowling while I'm running. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm a runner, but I'm getting there and I will continue to run. There are days that are stupidly challenging and days that make me feel so incredibly proud of myself as well as just plain stoked. This has been good. This is good for me. I gave myself a challenge and I did it.
I registered for my first 5k today. It will take place on April 2nd. It still feels surreal-- me, running a 5k. I love it.
And oh yeah, happy birthday to me :-)

The countdown is on

Today marks the 2nd day of week 9, the final week. I have one more day to go, Friday, and I will have officially completed the couch to 5K program. It looks like I'm really going to finish this! And not only finish the program, but keep going. Today I ran 3 miles for the second time, ever. . Wooooooooo! The first 3 miles wasn't a fluke. I can really run for 3 miles at a time. FYI:  I ran the second 3 miles in just about 32 minutes. I nearly died, but I did it.
A little aside here-- Metallica's Enter Sandman is pretty good to run to. That seems almost weirdly sacrilegious-- way too healthy a pursuit for Metallica---but it's true.  
So two countdowns have begun. The first-- Friday, the day the couch to 5k program is officially complete. The second,April 2nd, the day of my first official 5k race. 
I'm so ridiculously excited. I want Friday and April 2nd to all happen right now! I want to do it and then...what? That's what I'm starting to work out. Will I simply continue to run 3 miles, 3 times a week or will I start to train for something more? I can't shake this idea that one day I'll run a half marathon, but I'm not totally convinced. One thing I know, I will continue to run.

My first 3 miles!

Today marks the first day of my final week, week 9, of the couch to 5K program. I ran my very first 3 miles and I did it in 34 minutes. When I first started the program I had hopes of doing 3 miles in 30 minutes, but I am more than happy with 34. For my first time out, that's not too shabby. What is truly amazing to me is how good I felt while running, particularly the last quarter mile and how quickly I recovered. I was lightheaded (always am after I run) and absolutely giddy, but not worn out. I have to admit, I'm a little in awe of myself and it feels really, really good. 8 weeks ago I couldn't run for 5 minutes straight and today I ran for 3 miles. I feel GOOD!

Better, but not great

While yesterday's run went better than I expected, it wasn't as good as I had hoped it might be. My pace was better than on Tuesday, but not as good as I would have liked. I've been told my expectations are a wee bit high. I can't help it. I want more and better from myself...which is sort of odd. I am competitive, but normally I'm a pretty laid back/go with the flow kind of person. I'm not sure where these expectations for myself are coming from. 
Other than my right leg muscle my body felt fine during the run and I recouped really quickly. Rather, everything but that right leg muscle recouped quickly.  This is the second time this muscle has given me a tough time. While running it starts to annoy me. For the first 20 minutes post run its down right uncomfortable. The discomfort is in the area at the top of my right thigh where my leg meets my torso. Would that be considered a groin muscle? Should I ice it, use heat, not run till it's gone, stick to my routine, drink wine before my run?  Ha. I just dunno. I would like to avoid aggravating it further so if you have any recommendations, pass them along.
At least the weird toe pain is gone and hasn't returned.


03/05/11 A follow up-- no leg pain today!! Only did 2.6 miles in 28 minutes (grrrrrrrrr), but at least the upper leg muscle left me alone. I'm starting to suspect it has something to do with incline. When I have to run up even a small incline I definitely feel it more.

Newbie

The third and last round of 28 minute runs will be completed today, hopefully. Its amazing how very much the running experience can vary day to day. Sunday I felt really good and pumped after our run. Tuesday I hurt all over and my legs felt heavy. That run was so uneven and annoying. I never really found a rhythm. In an effort to give my body a little boost, I'm skipping tennis today. I think all the discomfort was my system's way of saying, loudly, "Hey! Back off a little. You are not, in fact, a runner. You are a newbie." So I'm listening or trying to and will, for a little while anyway, try to stick to one physically demanding task a day. 

And thinking of newbies-- I do not yet consider myself a runner. I am still very much a beginner. I feel my conditioning needs to get to a certain level and I need to have run a certain number of miles both consecutively and overall  before I can comfortably wear the label of runner. I feel like it sort of has to be earned. I was the same with tennis. Other people ran out and bought all sorts of gear and tennis outfits when they first started. I couldn't do that. I felt like I had to earn the right to look like a tennis player. To me, if you're all decked out in tennis gear and you swing like you're holding a baseball bat, that's pretty laughable. Its the same with running. If you call yourself a runner, but you've never actually run even a 5k, its not only comical its delusional. 

I'm not sure I'll ever actually be a runner, but I hope to get to a fitness level where I can run regularly and feel good while running. 

Tired

Yesterday lethargy stole over me. I had to make myself get up and do normal, routine things. That evening I played tennis and was able to run all over the place, but by the time I got home and had a bite to eat I was dead tired again. I went to bed early and got up early to play tennis again. In the 3rd set I felt all my energy drain. I wasn't even picking my feet up very well at that point. Had we not stopped I probably would have tripped myself. 


Over the past month I've stepped up the number of times per week I play tennis and our run/jog times have increased. I suspect my body is finally rebelling against the repeated requests for extra energy output. And likely I'm not taking in enough calories to compensate for all the calories burned. 


*disclaimer* if one person glibly suggests I eat a hamburger or have some cake, it's likely I'll hunt you down and beat you mercilessly. 


I don't eat much meat, no fast food (evil, fat making empire) and I'm trying to reduce the amount of sugar and processed foods I consume. Surprise, surprise! The healthier your lifestyle and the healthier you eat, the more you have to eat. That sounds great, but at a certain point I'm full and I don't want anymore. I love food, but I've never been able to consume large quantities. I'm a grazer and to intake the calories I need, I have to graze all the time.


I'm not complaining. I'd rather have my hummingbird metabolism than have to wrestle with the challenges of a slow one, but today I'm tired and annoyed that I managed to drop a pound when I've been trying to gain a couple. 


*second disclaimer* if anyone says anything like, "I wish I had that problem!" I'll likely hunt you down and beat you mercilessly too.

Just Rambling and possibly offending

I've noticed people who are overweight and trying to lose that weight/get fit, get a lot of support. They should. It's tough to lose weight and when you're going through those changes you need all the support you can get. 


If you are not overweight and you're trying to up your level of fitness, its different. There's more of a "Well, isn't that special" vibe about many of the comments you get. Sometimes there's even a touch of "Really? On top of not being overweight you're going to be healthy too?!" As if its audacious to want both.  I suspect many people think it's easy to get fit if you aren't overweight. I've got news for anyone who thinks that-- while it's easier in that a thinner person doesn't have extra weight to carry around, a person who is not overweight can still be out of shape and still have an uphill battle both mentally and physically.


Back to those overweight people and their vocal supporters. I wonder how many people who lose weight keep their overweight supporters/friends once the pounds they were trying to shed are gone? I suspect they lose a few overweight "friends" along the way. Breaking out of an unhealthy lifestyle and into a new one can be so difficult. People think it's just food, but its not. Sometimes getting healthy means losing relationships along the way.


I've noticed too that many women who are overweight refer to themselves as "real" women. I'm not sure what that means. Is their vagina more real than mine? Perhaps they have a more feminine uterus? I really don't know. What I do know is it seems like a hostile statement and I'm not sure why women would want to create hostility towards one another. What about sisterhood and women supporting one another? Is that only applicable to the "real" woman sisterhood? Shouldn't we, as women, encourage one another to be the very best women we can be, to become what is good and healthy for us as individuals without putting size labels onto ourselves? I think so. I think if you are a size 12 and you feel good, then you should love your size 12 body. If you're a size 2, 18 or 24 and are healthy and feel good, the same applies and you should be so in love with you that it never occurs to you to demean another woman's size or shape.


I've also noticed a trend to make men look like idiots in shows, commercials etc. They are portrayed as foolish, ignorant creatures who would be lost without a woman to guide them. On behalf of the amazing men I know, that really pisses me off. I'll save that blab for another time.

Inspiring my son = Pretty kick ass

Today was our 3rd day of running 25 minutes and other than a couple of encounters with a rogue dog, it went pretty well. While I'm really proud of having completed day 2 of week 7, I am nearly giddy with delight because my son has decided to do the couch to 5K program as well. 
About a week ago he called and told me because of the success Kurt and I have had with the program, he too was going to give it a try. He said he was impressed with what I had done up to that point. Shane and I have always had a good relationship. He seriously is one of my most favorite people. I've never been able to figure out how I helped create such a smart, funny, caring and very cool human being. To know that I've had a part in inspiring him to take his health a little more seriously and get a little more fit, wow. It feels really, really good. Imagine me with a big goofy grin because that's what's plastered on my face when I think of it. One day in the not too distant future, I hope we will run a race together. *Yeeeeeeeeeeee!* So cool.
He called me Monday night and again tonight to tell me of his experience with days 1 and 2 of week 1. I love that he not only wants to share what his experience has been, but that he wants to hear about mine as well. I'm a happy and very proud mom.

Oouch.

Our second 25 minute run was much better for me than the first. Hormones and discomfort weren't an issue, thank God. The run itself went really well. I finished with energy to spare and needed very little recovery time which made me feel really good. 
However, that night I was uncomfortable. My lower legs were achy-- outer sides below the knee and my calves. Also, I now have a crazy pain in my right big toe. Who gets a big toe pain? Ridiculous, but it actually hurts. I'd say everything else was a an ache, but that toe, when I step a certain way, makes me cringe. 
These are the first pains I've had since we started this program. I'm curious if its simply my body adjusting to more time running or if I'm doing something wrong. I did play tennis on hard courts the previous day, which could have something to do with it. 
Anyway, if you have any insight please share!

Hormones suck

I'm so eloquent, yes? Here's a little peek into my world-- hormones and running = BAD.  Yes, I'm pms'ing in a big way-- emotional, headache, the usual. On top of that, I have a weird pain in my stomach. No clue what brought it on or what it is, but it arrived an hour or so before we were scheduled to run. 

So, there I was in all my physical and mental distress getting ready to run my first 25 minutes. I decided to listen to an audio story by Neil Gaiman called Harlequin Valentine, which I think helped a lot. There's something about Mr. Gaiman's voice that I find very soothing and I really needed soothing. Anyway, on came the story and off I went. I started off mentally and physically so-so, but when I looked at my watch and saw I'd run for only 16 minutes and had 9 minutes to go, I deflated quite a bit. That's really a serious understatement. At that moment I thought I might die before I completed the remaining 9 minutes, but I kept going. Damn, did I. Even though I was hurting and I was tired and I was seriously thinking I might throw up (YAY for being a girl and having hormones. read that with sarcasm.) I didn't slow down. I didn't quit. GO ME!

So this 25 minutes was pretty awful, but because I did so well last week, I know it's due to the way I was feeling today (right? has to be!) and not my lack of ability. And so, I'm not totally discouraged. I am, however, really glad to have today's session over.

Birthdays and Crazy Talk

If we stay on track and if we do not have to repeat any days (so far, so good) we'll complete the couch to 5K program on my birthday. That wasn't planned and didn't factor into our start date in any way. For me, it's just a really cool, happy coincidence and a pretty awesome birthday present.

Last Friday we ran 20 minutes. This week we've alternated our run/walk time and tomorrow we run for 25 minutes. 25 Minutes. We're going to need all the good vibes you can toss our way. Start sending them so we can start storing them. It's so odd. The numbers/times still freak me out and yet earlier today, when I saw a marathon bumper sticker, I thought: If I can run for 3 miles (mind you, I haven't YET) surely I can run for 5 miles and maybe once I run 5 miles, I can just keep going. 


What the hell kind of crazy thought is that? I have yet to complete 3 miles and I'm thinking of 5? 5 is still in the distance, but I'm either insane or audacious enough to think of running even further?


I had to come back and add this link to 10 Best Marathons for First-Timers that popped up on my Facebook page shortly after my original post. As I said on FB, "Coincidence? I think not." And while I really do believe a full marathon is out of the question for me, I think it's possible that one day I might pull off a half marathon. I like the looks of the one in Arizona.

Surprising myself

Yesterday we completed day 1 of week 6. After the high of running my first 2 miles, mentally it was kind of a let down, but I did discover something very cool: I have reserves. Not sure when I developed this extra bit of oomph, but it's there and I like it. During one rotation I had jogged maybe 3 minutes and was just bitchy about it. I felt uncomfortable and wanted to stop, but I hated the idea of being a quitter so I kept going (gasp!). My jog at that point was a pace that I ought to have been ashamed of. Definitely a "I don't care, I don't want to do this" pace complete with crappy attitude. Somewhere around the 4-5 minute mark, I started to feel better and found a rhythm. About the 6th minute I decided to speed up my pace and move into a run. Here's the kicker-- rather than the added pace hurting me, it gave me a second wind and I smoothed out even more. I didn't know I had that much left in me until I tried. And thinking about that-- how many times have I missed out on something because I didn't try? How much more can I do? What is my body capable of? I really have no idea. What I do know is this-- In future when I am faced with a challenge I will no longer be comfortable saying, "I can't"  because no matter how difficult the task, I might surprise myself. I'm kind of falling in love with surprising myself.

I WIN!

I just kicked ass and ran my first 20 minutes!! I put my mp3 player on, I set the timer on my phone and I began to run. My head was full of self doubt (where does that crap come from?) and my body felt sluggish, but I put one foot in front of the other and I ran. The first half sucked--I wasn't comfortable mentally or physically-- but something changed in the second half. It was like my body settled into itself. I didn't hurt anymore and my rhythm felt good. When I thought the 20 minute mark was near, I checked the timer to see how much longer I had to go. When I saw I only had 2:25 seconds left I thought I would explode with excitement. Nickelback came on (don't judge!) and I kicked up the pace. I ran those last 2 minutes and 25 seconds and it felt good. When we finished, I nearly cried. How goofy is that? I was (and AM) so freaking proud of me, of us. I've had perma-grin ever since.
I just might, maybe, could happen, turn into a runner after all.

Fear of failure

This evening we are supposed to do our first 20 minute run. I'm freaked out that I can't do it. I played tennis yesterday and today and in combination with everything else, my legs are tired. *sniff* *whine* Send good vibes! DO IT!

Oh, Oh holy cow! I know my next goal

It may seem ridiculous to start planning my next goal, but as a friend recently told me, its fun to check things off of your list. Well, to get to the checking off part, I need to make a list, yes? 

So, first item on the list:

Run a 5K. 

Second:

Run another 5K and beat my previous time.

Third: (and here's where insanity and mayhem come in)

Run something like this Rugged Maniac 5K. Reading its description got me jazzed up! Truly, they had me at, "Not for the faint of heart, frail of body, or weak of mind, the Rugged Maniac 5K was designed with the assistance of Navy SEALs to push your limits and determine how rugged you truly are." I'm not sure I can run for a full 20 minutes yet, but wow, one day in the not too distant future, I'd really like to give an adventure run a try. I have one more thing to motivate me and propel me forward. 

A little side note here: I can not believe the idea of doing something like this excites me, but it does. What's happening to me?!

Hill conquered, mountain on the horizon

Yesterday I was sort of prepared to fail, a little anyway. I suspected doing 8 minute runs would be too much. I thought I'd have to stop somewhere around 6 minutes, walk for a few seconds and go back to the jog and repeat until I'd hit the 8 minute mark. I didn't have to stop for either 8 minute run and was actually able to increase my pace during the second one. GO ME!
Yesterday was the first time I'd used my mp3 player while I ran. Normally I sing weird ditties to myself, but this time I thought I might need a bigger distraction. I put my player on random and I have to say it was like the hand of the running God came down and chose the songs for me. One song was Changes by David Bowie which says things like, "time to face the strain...changes changes, come on you silly rock and roller.." Yeah, for me, that was awesome motivation. Had I made a play list to run to I wouldn't have chosen it , but it was perfect.
So the mountain to come is on Friday. On Friday its balls to the wall and we have to run for 20 minutes straight. Part of me is saying, "WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!" Another part is whispering, sort of timidly," So far, everything you thought you couldn't do, you've done." Mentally I'm perched somewhere between these two thoughts. I'm excited to try 20, but I'm freaked out too.
Changes

Miracles happen

Day 1 of week 5 complete! Do I kick ass? I think I do, just a little bit. Here's the miracle-- round 3 of 5 minutes felt like 3 minutes. I could have kept going. Booya! Feelin' good.

Time for wine :-)

Best day yet!

Day 3 of week 4 complete and it was the best day yet. I felt good while running. When each run rotation was finished I felt like I could keep going, which is a first. I'm really, really hoping that sticks around for next week when we have to up our run time rotations to 8 minutes. Could all of that wine last night have been the reason? Wouldn't that be great? What I do attribute my success to is the change of location. Thus far we've done each session at the same park and while its a nice park, I am pretty ADD and needed a change. Today we opted for Tree Tops Park:

I have always loved this park. It's a tranquil little bit of what Florida used to be hidden away in suburbia. We used a mix of dirt trails and paved paths today and for me that made all the difference. I was focused on each foot fall and not tripping (yes, I'm a clutz and easily manage to trip over my own feet on a smooth surface) rather than how much longer I had to run. Funny how I get so easily distracted in normal, every day life but when I have to run a certain length of time I can hone in on and rather obsessively focus on how long I've been running. Go figure.  Thankfully, today was so different. I felt energized by the environment and my body felt good. I didn't think about the time, just moving forward and the world around me. I am a well oiled machine! Ok, maybe not quite, but I'm getting there.

It was different for Kurt. Today he had a day like I did when I wrote my Biggest Pain in the Ass Yet post. Thank God we don't have those days at the same time. If we did, we'd just snarl and growl. We'd have to hire a cheerleader. Could get costly. So far we've been fortunate in this regard. We've taken turns having bad days. Here's hoping it stays that way.
I really need to take a moment and give Kurt the props he's due. Were it not for him, I doubt I'd have stuck with this. He has been an amazing encouragement to me. I can not adequately articulate just how deeply thankful I am for his support. Ok, let's hear a collective "awwwwwwwwwww!"

Wine and Lungs

This evening's session is complete, Zeppelin's playing, wine has been poured and dinner is made. *Insert massive contented sigh here* Frankly, I think the contentment is due more to the wine than a sense of accomplishment for having completed day 2 of week 4. I think attempting to run is contributing to my wine addiction. I so look forward to a post run glass of wine....or two. If that's wrong I don't really care, so don't tell me.


Biggest improvement thus far: My lungs. Today my lungs did their job and did it efficiently. The run times are longer and the walk times between runs shorter, but I'm not huffing and puffing like I was the first couple of weeks. I really thought if anything would prevent me from doing this it would be my piss poor respiratory system, but this evening proved my assumption false. I'm a little in awe of the improvement and I have to confess it gives me confidence. Yep, there's the little glimmer of confidence creeping in. A little voice telling me I may not be all talk and I just might really pull this off in 9 weeks. 


Also, (here's an example of just how optimistic I'm letting myself become) we've chosen our first 5K. The date is April 2nd. Wowee-Freaking-Kazowee.


Thought to ponder: Can I be a wino and have good cardio? 

This evening is day 2 of week 4. I'm not feeling great today so this evening could be a real struggle for me. My back has been bothering me a lot and now my abdomen is uncomfortable too. Not sure if that's related to the back pain or not. Oh the joy.


ANYWAY, I'm going to do the session regardless. The feelings I have are so contradictory. I'm really not looking forward to this evening, but I'm freaked out by the idea of falling behind. I have forward momentum and I do no want to lose an inch of it. I have this fear that if I miss one session I'll lose whatever conditioning I've acquired and have to start all over. I really do not want to start over. And that, I suspect, is at the heart of the worry-- If I have to stop for whatever reason, I'm afraid I won't start again. I just want to keep going and to finish.

Soooooo, we did it! I had this weird anxiety approaching the session this evening. I felt like my legs or my lungs or something would just stop and I'd fail to complete the rotation. Thankfully, I have a great partner. He kept telling me I could do it while giving me the freedom to repeat a week. I need that. The moment I feel anything or anyone is telling me I must do something, I rebel and quit. 


And so yes, we did it. Wow. I'm not going to lie, it wasn't fun. At about the 3:30 mark of the second round of 5 minute jogs, I started questioning my reasoning for wanting to do this. Actually, I starting questioning the sanity of wanting to do this and the sanity of anyone, ever, running anywhere for anything other than their life. Even running for ones life was in question at that point. 


While I was really proud of myself and of Kurt, post session I didn't have that same sense of hope I've had with with previous sessions. If anything, it made me further question my ability to keep it up for an additional 15 minutes. I'm a pretty active, low body weight person and this is tough. I can't imagine really going from couch to 5K. 


How long do you have to run to get a runner's high? All I have felt thus far is dizzy. I'd really like that high I keep hearing about.

Little freaked out

I seriously doubt my bodies ability to do the following, which is a shame because today is day 1 of week 4 and this is what's on the agenda:

• Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
• Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
• Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
• Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
• Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
• Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
• Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Obviously, I don't doubt my ability to walk for great lengths of time (thank God) and I now know I can jog for 3 minutes at a time. What's freaking me out is the jump to 5 minutes. It sounds like such a short time, doesn't it?  When you're in it, or when I am in it, it feels like its taking forever and I might possibly experience some sort of catastrophic blow out. Kinda freaked out about tonight.

Huh.

Each session starts with a 5 minute brisk walk followed by the first round of running/jogging. This morning I took the dog for a walk. Shortly after we started walking, I wanted to start running. It took me a moment to realize why-- it had been about 5 minutes and my body was now conditioned to run. My body wanted to step it up and move faster. Extraordinary!  Who would have thought it?
Today is an off day and Shiloh's knees just won't let her run much, so I skipped it. But, I wanted to and I'm really stuck on that realization. 


Also, while at the park I thought about what a great place it would be to run. What's happening to me? Am I really going to turn into a person who likes to run? Could happen. I'm not convinced, but something is shifting. We'll see how I feel after tomorrow-- Week 4, day 1 when my jog time is upped. 

Biggest pain in the ass yet

Friday was supposed to be day 3 of week 3, but pain postponed day 3 to today. I'm not sure if taking an extra day in between sessions was the cause or what, but this morning's session was a royal pain in the ass, body rather. I felt like an old car with no shocks. Each step was jarring-- my back, my thighs, my calves. AND my toes hurt from breaking in new tennis shoes. Why I chose to wear them when I knew I'd be playing a person who would make me run all over, is beyond me. AND (yes, there's another whiny statement coming) AND, I got a stitch in my side. Today is the first day I've gotten a stitch since the first week. Remember that previous post when I said my next goal was to stop scowling when I ran? Yeah, didn't happen today. Didn't realize how badly till I got home and saw the look on my face in this pic. Click on it to get the full glory of the scowl. I look a bit like an angry yet wary squirrel. Kinda felt that way too.

But! I did it. I finished day 3 of week 3. Scowl on my face, hissing profanities, chanting weird songs in a loop in my head to keep a rhythm, I finished.


Going backward, here's a photo from the start of the session. I like it because you can't see the scowl, but you can see the pretty park.